Back in the game!

One of my new year's resolutions last year was to get back into blogging. I've just spent a furious 10 minutes trying every password I've ever had, trying to log into this account, and upon flicking through my previous posts, it seems I outdid myself. I blogged twice in 2017. In January. Well, nobody really keeps their resolutions, do they?

Anyway, we're almost at the end of March, and I've just finished a run of my first play of the year, back once again in my second home of beautiful Bedford. This blog post comes to you from the depths of post-show nothingness. I haven't yet felt the despair that I sometimes get of missing a show (I definitely enjoyed it), but maybe that's because I've kept myself busy today, and I haven't really had time to think upon it.

The play in question was 'Life x 3'. Again, as in previous posts, I won't divulge details in case of spoilers for people who may see it in the future, but I had enormous fun. My regular Bedford stage husband (as he will now be referred to) recommended me to the director, who gave me a call to chat about it. Not wanting to seem too desperate(!), I said I'd read the script before making a decision, but on hearing who the other actors already cast were, there was no way I wasn't going to do it.

A good chunk of the play was focused on science and space talk. All of which went flying over my head faster than you can say, "the flatness of the Milky Way's dark halo!", whatever that means! And to tell you the truth, it was only today that I actually Googled a few words (unrelated to science) to find out what they meant. I must have done a pretty good job of pretending to know what everyone was saying! And now I can use the word 'lugubrious' in everyday conversation!

It was a good run, and I got to share the stage with some amazing people.

But enough about the play itself. It's been over a year since I did a run of a show that made me feel the way I do right now. Sure, I had work for the rest of last year, and I loved every job, but there was something about this week that made me question myself.

I have a job that I enjoy in teaching and writing and directing shows for my students, but am I pushing myself enough? I want to get out there and do more things.

Why am I not writing things for myself? I have friends that I would kill to work with and produce fun projects with, and I'm not doing that. Why not?
People enjoy the things that I write. People are incredibly complimentary about my performances (even when I think that I certainly don't deserve them (Friday night this week- ouch!)

I see other people out there doing amazing things, and I feel like I'm being left behind. Am I just settling and hoping that someone keeps recommending me for projects or relying on companies I've previously worked for to give me a call? That's not enough, and I'd be stupid to think it was.

So with a bit of luck, I'm hoping 2018 turns out to be more successful. Because something has clicked in my head this week. I want to have the best times with the best people doing the thing that I love. If other people can do it, why can't I?

Watch this space, she's coming back!


N

I got this

I am stressed. There's no other way to describe it right now. We're 11 days in to 2017, and I'm stressed.

Technically today is a day off for me. However, I have come to realise that there is no such thing. I'm always busy.

It has recently been the festive season of Christmas, and I was working as an elf just outside High Wycombe up until 3.30pm on Christmas Eve. I spent half of Christmas day asleep, trying to catch up on lost slumber from having to drive down to said elf job every day, and from then on, I've been trying to catch up on everything that I missed, while rehearsing a play in Bedford.

Last week saw my teaching job resume, and I was hoping to have at least half of a script for the next show for my students to start looking at and deciding which characters they would like to audition for in a few weeks time. That didn't happen.

Currently I only have one completed scene. Scene 1. A good one to have completed, I feel. But still, it's one scene. It's pretty good, but I need more. I'm really struggling with this one to be honest. I had what I thought was a cracking idea, and then when it came to actually writing it, I am stumped.

I am creating an adaptation of 'Beauty and the Beast' set in 1920's New York. Sounds great, you may think.I thought so too. Last year I managed to pull off a cracking production of 'Cinderella' set in the 1980's, by far the best thing that I have done, ever. And that was easy to fit in random characters and extra storylines. But this time my brain just doesn't want to play. In fact, my lessons this week have consisted of "Right, there are the characters in the play, you know the general story, make something up for me so that I can steal your ideas!"

I know that I will get there, even if it takes longer than anticipated, it just seems like a monumental task right now, and I just don't have the time. Well why are you writing this blog if you have no time, I hear you cry. Well, I'm hoping that by doing a nice little rambling blog post, that my brain will remember how to write once more, and it will unclog my horrendous writers block that I've got going on. Plus I didn't blog in the whole of 2016, and I decided to make it one of my New Year's resolutions to get back out here, so here I am!

One of the reasons that I have no time currently is that I'm appearing in the aforementioned play in Bedford this week. It's a really good play, and it's really nice to be part of something really quite dramatic. Thankfully I'm not in it too much, which has allowed me to attempt to do some work backstage or in my dressing room from time to time. But again, it's taken up quite a few days in the last few weeks, and as I still don't live in Bedford (I will one day, watch this space), it's not just rehearsal time, but driving time that keeps me away from my writing desk.

Aside from creating 'Beauty' for the majority of my students, I'm also putting together another production involving my students at the other school that I teach at. After having to postpone the production last year due to performance clashing, I was then let down by the venue completely, and have only just managed to secure a new venue and date for them. Having cast the play months ago, I have since had more students join the class, which is wonderful, but I'm now having to find more things for them to do in the show, as well as fitting in students from another school that I don't teach. Plus I've got 15 students participating in a speech and drama competition in March, for which I need to help them find monologues and poems, and find the time to rehearse them in between all of their other classes and shows. It is building up!

With all of this work sat at my computer, it was inevitable that I would become larger in size(!), and it's no surprise that I don't fit into most of my clothes any more! So on top of all of that, I've got 50 pounds of weight to lose. Thankfully I live a two minute walk away from a swimming pool, my favourite activity, plus I've found some motivation to get running again. An advert popped up on my Facebook for a company called Medal Mad. They have running challenges which you pay to enter, you run, logging it on your running app of choice, submit your evidence and get a lovely medal through the post on completion. If that wasn't good enough, a portion of money from each medal goes to a different charity. Perfect! Thankfully you don't have to do complete the challenges in one go either. So far I have received my 11km Remembrance medal for November, and my 12km of Christmas medal. I've got 3 more medals that I've paid for, so I need to get to work on those challenges too. I can't resist a bit of bling, me!

With all of this going on, for now I can't see the light at the end of the tunnel, but I'm trying my best to keep to my resolutions for the year, and try to spend as much time with other people as I can. I've told myself that I will have Sundays free from work, that hasn't quite happened yet, but this Sunday WILL be the first!
I'm also trying to not do work outside of work hours at night. This means that when I get back from teaching, I'm switching off. No answering messages from parents, not at the weekends, I need time for myself. I will do it. I'm very much a people pleaser and will gladly put everyone else before myself, but I've come to realise that this is probably making me a bit of a pushover and I need to stand my ground.
I know what I need to do, and I also need to push myself in order to actually make some money this year, because lord knows I'm fed up of living penny to penny every week!

But for now, I will love you and leave you, as I must have my dinner and get ready to go to my dress rehearsal in Bedford. Tomorrow is opening night, it's going to be a good one. I'll post details below.

Happy New Year, and I promise I'll be back next week.

Nxxx

'Tomcat', The Quarry at St Luke's. Thursday 12th-Saturday 14th January 2017.
www.quarrytheatre.org.uk

Have courage and be kind...

The title of this post is a quote from the beautiful new movie adaptation of 'Cinderella', directed by one of my heroes, Mr Kenneth Branagh. As a film probably aimed at children, I thought it was a brilliant quote, and as it was said repeatedly throughout the film, and stuck in my head, I wondered and hoped that thousands of children across the world that may have watched it would also remember it, and take a lesson away from it.

I didn't think that I would have to apply it to myself this week, but I have. It is show week. Normally the week that fills me with dread. 70-odd children performing in shows that I have written, directed, made costumes and set for, the list goes on.

I had been feeling quite calm after the rehearsals that I had with them on Sunday, and everything was falling nicely into place.

Yesterday started off so well. I managed to get a decent nights sleep, and woke up and get dressed to take work husband John for a birthday lunch. We had lovely food, he liked his presents (phew) and it was just a nice time. 

I headed over to Head Office and did a spot of work on my shows, before heading off to Corby to teach my students over there. I really enjoyed my lesson, the students made me laugh and came up with some random but brilliant ideas. Kids have such vivid imaginations, and they all had brilliant smiles on their faces. A good time was had by all.

A short while after, I was told that a lady had said that one of my projects that I had worked on was the worst thing she had ever seen. At the time, I brushed it off as I was still happy from my lesson, but as I got home, the reality of what she said hit me and upset me.

I headed back out shortly after to start building my set for this weekends shows, and the tears began to fall from my eyes. I didn't understand how someone could be so hurtful, and it completely knocked my confidence for my upcoming shows. Don't get me wrong, I know that the kids will do an amazing job as always, they have worked so hard and I'm already ridiculously proud of them. I know it's not about being adored by the parents, I'm doing it for the children, they're the ones I'm there for, but to have someone say that about something that I've produced scared me into believing that that will be the reaction I get this weekend.

As anyone in this industry will tell you, it's a scary place to be. Whether you're performing, writing, directing, or any job involved in the making of a performance. You're putting yourself out there, your vision, your ideas, your work, and you just pray and hope that people will like it. Of course you're not going to please everyone, but it's a big risk to do something like this, especially when everyone around you is doing bigger and better things and you're constantly trying to keep up.

I headed back to Head Office alone to start set construction and tried to block out what she had said, but it wouldn't leave my head. I ripped open the packaging and started to assemble pieces of set together and realised what a mammoth task lay before me. I got frustrated, angry, and was in pain from getting splinters and blisters, and cramp from being in awkward positions trying to assemble it. I was covered in glue, and was getting ridiculously hot and disgusting. I just sat down in the middle of the floor, broke down and cried for about ten minutes. I was exhausted, upset, and listening to Mumford and Sons probably wasn't my best idea. Then a costume rail broke and fell on my head. 

John sent me a text asking how it was going, and I responded on a joking manner that I'd probably be finished by 2pm Saturday (the time when our first show goes up). He immediately replied saying he was coming over to help after he had finished his birthday meal out with his family. I told him not to because it was his birthday, and it was getting late. 

But sure enough, about an hour later he burst through the doors. He took one look at my face (which I did not know was covered in mascara tracks!) and gave me a massive hug while I told him what was wrong.  After a big squeeze and a talking to, we set back to work and constructed the second piece of set whilst having a good chat, and a proper giggle in our ridiculous attempt to screw pieces of wood together. I've already told him, but he really is my hero.

We gave up at around 10.30pm, and we drove back to his house and watched some Monty Python with his family before I trundled back home. Her words were still in my head, but I was feeling much better.

Having had time to think it over, I realise that I should have completely ignored everything that she said. I will admit that what she saw was not the best thing that I have produced, but I worked hard on it, and it was the best that I could have done, all things considered. 

I work for hours and hours on these projects, I get annoyed with myself that it takes up so much of my time, but I am always proud of the results, and I know that in the end, people do appreciate my efforts. I have had to juggle so many things so far this year, and the rest of the year is set to be even busier. I'll be writing two plays, working practically full time at the park over the summer, moving house, and I have two extra potential jobs on the horizon that will hopefully be confirmed in the next couple of days. 

The lady in question didn't even have the guts to tell me what she thought to my face, she passed it on to someone else, who passed it on to someone else who passed it on to me. Yes, it was incredibly hurtful, and completely wrecked my confidence, and I may have thought of at least one hundred hurtful things to say back to her if I ever saw her, but that's not who I am. I didn't have to learn from Cinderella that it's good to be kind, because I am kind. And if everyone was nicer to each other, then maybe the world wouldn't be such a terrible place. 

I do have the courage to show off my work to the world, and if she doesn't like it, so be it. I'm better off without her.

And do you know what the best part is? After the performance, her daughter came up to me and gave me the biggest hug to say thank you. She had clearly enjoyed herself and was grateful. So, lady, I have no idea who you are, I didn't even meet you at the performance. But I hope by some miracle you stumble across this blog post, read it, and realise how much your words can hurt someone. But most of all, I hope you learn from your daughter. She has a kind heart, maybe she can teach you a lesson or two. 

Have courage and be kind

Nxxx

Frozen excitement, a self-taped audition, and 50 Shades of Neverland...?

So another week has gone by in a flash, and I'm back!

Sadly there wasn't a lot of Neverland action last week. I found myself working an abundance of hours in one of my normal person jobs, and doing very little else.

The school that I teach at had a large dance show on at the weekend, meaning I didn't get to work with my Peter Pan cast, but I did get to see them all perform marvellously on Saturday, and they were all amazing. The whole show was flawless, they typically are just before mine come around(!)

I still kept myself busy with show business though, and had the task of finalising my cast list. It was so difficult, but the decision has been made, and the cast will find out their fate on Friday. I've spent the last few days trying to dodge parents and students who have been badgering me to find out who is playing which role, and as I'm the only one that knows the entire cast list, I've tried to go into hiding for fear of being hounded!! And no, nosy parents that read this, I won't tell you before them! ;)

As well as casting, I was still desperately trying to finish the soundtrack to the show, and putting my voice overs with the tracks to make sure they sounded okay in reality and not just in my head. So far, so good. Of course with two plays, comes two soundtracks, and I found the perfect piece of music to end Act 1 of our sequel. When I heard it, it perfectly summed up the tone of the end of the scene and act, and I was really excited that I'd found such a good track to use. Unfortunately, said track comes from the upcoming '50 Shades of Grey' movie. Fingers crossed that it's only a handful of parents who will have seen it that will notice, oops! 

On Sunday I went to the house of a girl I used to go to school with to try on a very exciting dress. This Saturday I will be Elsa from Frozen at her neice's birthday party! I'm so excited!! I tried on the wig, which was a slightly startling look as I was definitely not destined to be a blonde... But once I put the dress on too, my inner 4 year old squealed with delight and I didn't want to take it off! I think I'll be more excited than the children on Saturday!

And then came today. Yesterday I received an email offering me my first audition of the year. (About time!!) as excited as I was, my heart sank slightly when I saw that I had to self-record it and put it online for them to see. Regular readers will remember the traumas I have of having my father assist me in such ventures, but thankfully due to a change in his working hours, he was unavailable, and so the role went to my Neverland partner. 

I had told him that it would only take twenty minutes to film, sent him the script and waited for his arrival this afternoon. It started off quite well. We rehearsed, did an okay take, and then it descended into madness. I got three complete takes (around 4.5 minutes) and over fifteen minutes of outtakes and bloopers! I haven't laughed so much in a long time, and it was so much fun that I forgot that I was actually auditioning for a job! I might take him along to every audition I do from now on!

We then trundled off to work with our 'Second Star' cast, who, despite giving me the most enormous headache (no need to work on their volume levels), made me laugh so much that it hurt! They chose who they want to audition for so next Monday is their time to shine!

On Thursday the script will be completed! I'm really looking forward to having a final script of our first ever original play, but I'm also really nervous about pulling to pieces what we've already got, and trying to make sure that everything is perfect. So far we've written separately, but now we have to sit down together and fight for our own ideas. I think it's going to be a very long day...! We're also off to a party on Saturday night, I do hope we don't fall out before then! But I guess you'll find out next week!

Nxxx

Natalie's Nugget: Before we've even begun work on both of these shows, I've found the next one that I want to tackle later on in the year(!) Nope, not telling! ;)

Tricky decisions, and feeling proud...

This last week has seen many, many highs, and my (slightly tragic) New Year's Resolution of 'be happy' seems to be taking shape.

In the class that I taught last Monday, our students had been handed the first draft of our script for the Peter Pan sequel, 'Second Star To The Right', but I still hadn't seen all of what my writing partner had written. He was going to send it to me via email, but I didn't receive anything that night, or the following, but I knew he had a lot of other big things on his plate last week so I didn't hassle him, but I was itching to read it and to put it all together.

I was just drifting off to sleep just before midnight on Wednesday when I was rudely interrupted by a text from him asking if I had received his email. I frantically refreshed my inbox but there was nothing there. I like to think that technology is wonderful these days, but it turned out that he did indeed send it on Monday night, and that technology had failed us. He sent it over again, and naturally I had to read it before I went to sleep. I gave it a quick read and drifted off, excited about what I had read, and for the fact that we almost had a full script.

I had Thursday off from my normal person job, and was browsing the supermarket for lentils (which went into a delicious home-made soup if anyone is interested and wants to marry me) when I received another message asking if I'd read it. I was so delighted to have a relaxing day that I had forgotten all about it, which, for those that know how obsessed I get with my productions, is unheard of.

I purchased my lentils, sped home, put both halves together and sat down with a green tea to read our creation. I was so excited! We had constructed the story together, so I knew what was going to happen, and I obviously knew what I had written, but to read it through from start to finish was brilliant. One of his scenes even made me cry, which I was not expecting at all! Not because I didn't think he could write like that, I wouldn't have come up with the idea of writing it together if I thought he would create something awful, but it just really moved me and I had to take a minute to calm down!

That was me sorted for the rest of the day, and I went to bed with a huge grin on my face.

Then Friday arrived. Ah, Friday! After getting through a day of manual labour (not really, but I like to be dramatic), it was time to put my casting hat on. Yep, it was Peter Pan audition day! I had one hour (less by the time we got started) to audition 41 students, all of which were fighting it out for six characters. There are far many more characters in my version, but everyone had their eyes on the same prizes- Peter, Wendy, Tinker Bell, Hook, Smee and Starkey.

The auditions were much more fun than I had imagined they would be. Of course, I was very strict, but every single student was fantastic, and I could see that they had worked hard on their audition pieces. The only trouble was, that everyone was so good that I now have no idea how to cast it! There are so many strong contenders, and there were some very nice surprises along the way, which makes it even more difficult! Thankfully I filmed them so I can look over them again, but it's going to be a tough, tough decision. Maybe I'll give it to someone else to decide!

And so we're back to Monday again, and a night of 'Second Star' work. As John said to me tonight, it's really exciting watching our play come to life. Either the students are being very polite, or they actually like the script, which just amazes me.

Tuesday 20th marks one whole year since I started teaching them, and it's gone so quickly. I've pulled off two shows, and am now working on two more (being performed on the same day, fool!).
It has (mostly!) been a pleasure to teach them all, and to watch them develop as actors has really made so very proud. I've also pushed myself to do things that I never thought I would be doing, I have no idea if I'm any good at any of it, but it seems to be working for now!

My first show with them was a bit crazy due to unforeseen circumstances, but then I got to make my mark by doing a show that I chosen, written and worked my backside off on, and had the most amazing feedback. And now? I'm pushing it even further; two shows, one day, including an original play that we have written especially for them. When I came up with the idea it seemed good at the time, then I started to panic and think it was a truly horrible mistake, and now that we're close to having a complete script, I'm back onto thinking that maybe I'm a genius after all! ;)

I've developed some amazing friendships along the way, the smile has been put back on my face, and not only am I proud of all of my students, but I'm pretty proud of myself for the first time. I've learned a hell of a lot of lessons along the way, and maybe at the time I was angry and frustrated, but you know what? It's made me more determined than ever to prove people wrong, and I'm going to keep pushing forward, do things my way, and smash it!

Never give up...

Nxxx

Natalie's nugget- Tonight I started practising my voiceovers for one of the shows. An actor loving the sound of their own voice... who'd have thought it?!?