Tuesday, 30 July 2013

A-Z of acting. Z is for...

Zzzzzz.....


Well, what a week last week was. It was an absolute rollercoaster ride and I haven't recovered in the slightest.

I kicked off the week with three consecutive days at my normal person job. As you might have read in last weeks post, it didn't start well. I had had a truly brilliant Sunday performing Much Ado twice at a stunning venue, with my family and friends watching and was feeling on top of the world. And then it all came crashing down on Monday morning when I faced reality. I cried from the moment I woke up, until half an hour into my shift when the customers were let in the gate. I was a wreck. Somehow I managed to get through the day, and the next two without too much of a fuss, but I wasn't my normal happy self.

I was partly excited but partly sad when Thursday arrived. I had the majority of the day to myself to prepare for the final show in Bedford, and there were quite a few tears rolling down my cheeks before I left home. I had packed my costumes, my props and my cards for my cast mates that contained various gushing soppy messages about how much I had enjoyed working with them all, and how much I was going to miss them.

I arrived at our final location, Harpur Square, and was intrigued by what I was faced with. We were actually going to perform on a stage! With lighting and microphones! We weren't used to this!! We planned our exits and entrances and got ourselves into costume before making our way to the backstage area. I handed out my cards solemnly, and received a plethora of hugs from everyone which cheered me up a bit!

For me, the show wasn't my best performance of the run, I was painfully aware that it was our last show, and despite wanting to give everything I had, I didn't want it to end. It absolutely sped through, and before I knew it, I was preparing to go on for my final scenes. And that's when it hit me. The tears started to flow. Thankfully I had to be upset in the scenes, otherwise the audience would have been very confused! When it came to my final few lines, my voice was breaking and the tears were definitely present again, but I hope it worked in the context of what I was doing!

There was a hasty packing up of props and costumes before we all made our final trip for a post-show drink at a local pub. Due to Bedford's insane parking, a few of us could only stay for one for fear of our vehicles being towed or ticketed, but we had a nice little laugh together and decided that we would all definitely meet up in approximately a month before parting ways. I don't know whether that will actually happen, but it made me happier knowing that there would be a chance of us all being together again and that it wasn't the end.

I hugged everyone goodbye at the pub, and myself, Hannah and Jacob strolled to our cars before heading our separate ways. I miss the show already, but I miss the people more. My tears started again as soon as I saw Jacob drive off in the opposite direction. He made the play so much fun for me. Not that everyone else didn't... Maybe it's because we played a couple, or maybe it's because we were the naughty pair in rehearsals who always thought the same thing and giggled like naughty children at the back of the room, but it felt like I truly found someone who understood me, and I'll miss him.

I didn't have time to mope about much, I woke up on Friday and had another show to prepare for! It was the latest Starlight dance show in Kettering and I had NOTHING ready! A quick scout around my bedroom, and a good rummage in my costume cupboard later and I was 75% ready! I had a mad dash around Kettering town centre for last minute fishnets, show pants and a bald cap(!) and I had everything. And then it began. The dress rehearsal.

Due to Much Ado, I had missed the only other costume runs of the show so I had no idea what to expect, other than what my fellow dancers had told me... that it was impossible. I pride myself on my ability to do a quick costume change, but even I was worried. I shouldn't have! I was on time for every single routine, perfect! I just had to learn what I actually had to do on stage now!

After a fairly successful dress, I drove home and began to sort out my costumes back into some sort of order again. It wasn't pleasant. Every single thing was damp with sweat, and screwed up beyond belief! The next day wouldn't be pleasant.

Annoyingly I couldn't get to sleep that night. I watched the clock as time ticked by, 1a, 2am, 3am... The last time I could be bothered to look was 3.30am. I had to be up at 8. I wasn't impressed.

It was an effort to get up in the morning but I did it, and the day began. The matinee went well, the audience were quite quiet, but we had no idea how they were going to react to the show so we just got on with it! As soon as the performance had ended I just sat on the floor in a heap. I had absolutely no idea how I was going to cope with doing it all again. I had pulled muscles in all of my limbs, I was limping around backstage like an injured animal, and had nothing left in the tank to give. It definitely wasn't my finest hour.

But before I knew it, it was show time again. The performer in me kicked in, and I seemed to forget any injury I had, and gave the performance of my life. How I did, no-one knows. The evening audience were a lot livelier, which spurred us all on, and we got a standing ovation at the end which was fabulous! My second one in a week, I could get used to this! ;)

Naturally everyone left quickly and I was one of the few who always stay behind to clear up after everyone, and by the time I got home it was 11.30pm. It was straight to bed, the only thing I took off were my false eyelashes!

There wasn't even time for a rest on Sunday! Thankfully I had booked the day off work, and I was glad I did. My alarm went off at 10am, and I could barely lift my head off the pillow. Absolutely everything hurt. I got out of bed (slowly) and had a look at the damage sustained. I was absolutely covered in bruises. Every muscle hurt, and I wasn't sure I was going to get through the day!

I pulled some clothes on and made my way back to the dance studio to be fitted for some clothes for a fashion show that is happening this weekend. I perked up when I got some pretty dresses to wear, but by the end of it I was fit for nothing again. I went home, had some dinner and fell asleep on my bed for a good hour. Bliss.

Then it was time to get straight back up again and get ready to go to our after-show party! I grabbed my Cheryl Cole costume from my cupboard, and joined the ranks for a good party at Kids Play! Haha!

It was early to bed for me again as I faced another four days straight at my normal person job... back to reality again.

I love being busy, and performing is my life, but I think I might have taken things a bit too far last week! It's Tuesday now and I'm still exhausted. But you know what? I wouldn't change it for the world! My summer has got off to a cracking start thanks to the beautiful people of Bedford and beyond that I have had the privilege of working with, and as always, dancing with my Starlight friends puts the smile right back on my face, especially when I see the photos afterwards!

I'm still super busy until next Tuesday, when I finally have nothing planned, but I bet I still end up running around like a loon!

I haven't had time to get sad that everything is over yet, I know I will when I finally get to sit down for more than half an hour, but I'm happy with how things have gone so far this summer. I thought that last summer couldn't be topped, and it hasn't been yet, but this year is running a pretty close second!

Watch this space...

Nxxx

Monday, 22 July 2013

A-Z of acting. Y is for...

Yikes!

Here we are again, another week, another blog.

Don’t worry, I think it’ll be a short one today. It’s too hot to concentrate on too many words, and you’re probably more excited about the new royal baby boy being born than anything I have to say!

But on we go. Last week was thankfully a lot better than the week before. Sadly, I had to go to my normal person job on the Monday, but had Tuesday off, so I was able to do as I pleased.

I took myself over to Leicester to purchase a new dress for a wedding, after my unsuccessful trip out with Jacob on Saturday. I also met up with my lovely Leicester-based friend Christine and had a good heart to heart with her about my life woes. It was good to talk to someone who knows your situation in life, and I felt much better coming home.

The rest of the week picked up too, I was offered two auditions, and it looked as though job castings were picking up! There was still a chance of me acting again!
I spent the next four days working my normal person job, counting down the hours until I’d get to act again. The shows were on Sunday, so I had to endure an extra day of work before I got to play. It made all the difference, I was exhausted! Despite being on the games stall rather than a ride, it was still so tiring being out in the heat all day.

By the time Sunday arrived, the weather was cooler and I was incredibly grateful. The last two matinees we had, had been too hot and uncomfortable for anyone to be happy, but it was just right. Our audience were very quiet but all seemed to enjoy themselves which is all we asked of them! And then my nerves fully kicked in.

I had a lot of friends coming to watch the evening show, and I began to feel sick. I don’t know why I was so nervous, it’s not like they would tell me the show was awful! I watched from the gazebo as they all arrived, leaving it right to the last second as normal, putting extra nerves into me, and we began.

And what a show it was. The audience loved it, we made people laugh, we made people cry, and to top it all off, our setting was beautiful. The sun was setting behind us as I was betrothed to Claudio, and it was a perfect magical place to be. I personally felt as if it was my best performance of the run too, and afterward when my friends told me that they had wept, I felt like I’d done a good job!

The day had flown by, and I was sad to go home, but I was absolutely exhausted and didn’t know what to do with myself. I threw myself into bed and slept away the night peacefully.

I woke up this morning feeling good, until I realised that the reason I had set my alarm was because I had to go to work. I burst into tears and didn’t actually stop crying until 10.30 when the customers were let in the gates, half an hour into my shift! I obviously tried to keep it all in, but every time someone asked me how the performances went, the emotions came flooding out again.

A couple of people asked me what was wrong, but I couldn’t explain it to them without sounding like an ungrateful prick. How can you say to people that you work with that you’re crying just because you don’t want to be there?!? One girl looked at me like I was insane.

It’s very hard to explain to people who aren’t in the industry how things go. Last week I had people offering me suggestions of work which were just ridiculous. They hear the word ‘actor’ and just think you’ll do anything. No I won’t! And they ask if you’ll work for companies that you know for a fact are am-dram. It’s very frustrating.
As well as being incredibly exhausted, I’m absolutely devastated that it’s our final show on Thursday. I’ve said it before, I get very attached to shows, and once they’re over, I don’t know what to do with myself. I also know that I have no acting work lined up at all, nothing to focus on, and that makes me feel so upset. And to have to wake up for the rest of the summer and go to the park where all I have to do is press buttons all day is pretty depressing. I don’t have to use my brain in this job. It’s not challenging, it’s the same thing, day in, day out. Don’t get me wrong, I’m grateful to actually have a job and be earning some money so that I can travel to auditions etc, but it’s just not acting.

The cast of Much Ado are fabulous, we all get on so well and I’m going to miss them all so much. I know I’ll probably see most of them again, Bedford isn’t far, but we’ll probably all never be in the same place at the same time again. We won’t be performing this play again. We’ve all got close to each other and we’re like a little family that get together every week and tell a story to strangers for money! We’ve gone through a lot in rehearsals and performances, and we’ll never have those moments again.

This is the point where acting sucks. Everything comes to an end and there’s nothing you can do about it. You just hope that the friendships you’ve made are real, and that you stay in touch. But most of the time that never happens. People move on, people get forgotten.

I want the cast to know that they’ve made the start of this summer truly magical, I’ve had something to look forward to every week, and it’s not just performing the show, it’s being with them. They’re an amazing bunch of people and I’ll miss them all so much.

I love you guys. Final show on Thursday, let’s make it one to remember ;)

Nxxx

Monday, 15 July 2013

A-Z of acting: X is for...

X (as in, no, we don't want you). Also, X-Factor.

Last week was a toughie. I actually started out in quite a good mood on Monday, despite having to go to work the previous day completely exhausted. Monday was my day off from my normal person job, I took myself swimming, and caught up with a few things that I had been putting off and had a pleasant day.

I had sent my Claudio a good luck message as he had an audition that day, and as no-one was wishing me luck for anything that I had been doing and I was feeling grumpy about it, I thought I’d share the love. We actors are quite sensitive you know, we need constant support! That was my good deed of the day and I carried on enjoying the sunshine.

Tuesday wasn’t too bad either to be honest. I was at work but thanks to the people that I work with, the day seemed to go quite fast. I had Wednesday off, didn’t wake up til gone 10am, back to my unemployment ways(!) and then my other half took me out for dinner which was lovely.

I was just about to leave his house, naturally checking my social networks before I left, when I saw that my Claudio had got the job he auditioned for. His status immediately got a ‘like’ and a ‘:D’ comment and I did a little punch in the air and whooped. I was so pleased for him. I left for home and as soon as I got in the car I started to feel really down.

Despite being happy for him in his new role, I was slightly jealous. Well, I don’t know if I mean jealous or not. Whatever it was, I started to cry. And I couldn’t stop. It was that ridiculous that I thought I’d have to pull the car over because I couldn’t actually see properly any more.

It didn’t seem fair. There he was, walking straight into job after job and I’m struggling to get anywhere yet again. I cried myself to sleep that night. I don’t even know how many jobs I applied for last week, it was an insane number, and to continually get passed over for every single one makes you feel useless. It doesn’t help that my particular casting website of choice lets you see when your profile has been viewed by employers. That’s just another kick in the teeth when you know you’ve definitely been looked at and they don’t want you.

As the week progressed I saw more and more of my actor friends getting work and it made me feel worse. I wasn’t even looking forward to Saturday’s performances. I knew that doing more shows meant that the end was even closer, and I didn’t want it to happen.
Friday’s dance rehearsal took things off my mind for a while, but I still wasn’t myself. At least I could go to sleep and wake up on Saturday ready to take myself away from the world and disappear. The audiences needed me, I couldn’t let them down!

My final application of the week was for panto. Unfortunately the audition process was something that I had experienced before a couple of years ago, and hadn’t really wished to go through again, but I found myself clicking the ‘send’ button on my email, and it was too late to take it back. Yes my friends, I have entered Panto Factor! To be honest, the thing that swung it for me was the ‘celebrity’ bookings that they have for this year. We can skip over the fact that they have Andy Abraham, but throw in 90s pop star Lolly, and Neighbours very own Dr Karl Kennedy, and that’s a show I want to be a part of! I’m waiting to hear whether they will offer me an audition, but just imagine it, me and Karl on stage together! Now that would make my Christmas!

I woke up slightly happier on Saturday knowing that I’d be performing again, but good lord was it hot!! I arrived in Bedford at around 10.30am and it was already baking hot. There’s barely any free parking in Bedford, so I had to park quite a distance away, and carrying everything I had to take with me was an effort, I had to stop half way for a breather! Luckily I was rescued by the assistant director and I made it the rest of the way with a lighter load. We assembled the gazebo dressing room and awaited the rest of the cast (boys, obviously!) before going over entrances and exits and settling down before the showm started.

We had to be assembled by 1pm, and the heat was crazy. I felt so sorry for the boys in their army clothes. I was fixing my hair before we started and could already feel sweat rolling down my back and into my show pants. (sorry, another actor thing, never knowing when things are too much!)
Lord knows how much water we all went through during the show. Jacob and I couldn’t look at each other lovingly without squinting at each other, and I spent the majority of the play looking at beads of sweat rolling down people’s faces. We were so attractive. The magic of the heat also made the show ten minutes longer, which was insane! It must have been the sheer effort of walking about in the sun that made it impossible to move at a normal pace!

The audience still loved it, despite sitting around like hog roasts, but I didn’t really hang around to speak to anyone. We all ripped off our costumes, and most of the boys stood around in very little to try and get cool. I didn’t envy Alex, whose trousers were drenched in sweat from being tucked into his army boots for a good two hours.

The main thing is that we got through it and we knew that it had to be cooler in the evening. I went into town with Jacob, who was trying to help me find a dress for my friends wedding (and whose hen do I had to miss on Saturday, I apologise again!!) but despite his best efforts to dress me, I found nothing. We spent our last half an hour of freedom drinking outside a bar in the sunshine and had a good old natter about life. It was just what I needed and I started to feel better than I had over the last few days.

Our second show that day was my favourite of the run so far. The audience got in nice and early, and were loving the weather now that it had cooled down, and from the very start, they loved it. They were eating out of the palms of our hand and we knew it! I love shows like that, we didn’t even have to try for laughs, they loved it, I noticed us all putting in a few extras when we knew things would work with the crowd and they responded accordingly. It was brilliant. The severe heat had gone and we were all happy!

We got even happier when we got to the end of the show, packed everything away and headed to the pub afterwards! It was another one of those evenings where I was surrounded by creative people and we could just talk about things and be understood by everyone because we’re all in the same boat,it was marvellous. We didn’t leave the pub until half past midnight, and that was when I realised I hadn’t eaten anything all day! This meant a road trip was in order to find some dirty food! Despite our best efforts, we couldn’t find anywhere open in Bedford with parking, so we ventured further afield, almost to home. A 24 hour McDonald’s came to our rescue at around 1am, and it was the most glorious cheeseburger I have ever had!

We had another nice heart to heart chat before finally surrendering to our sleepy eyes and parting ways at 2.10am. it’s been a while since I haven’t wanted a day to end, but I really didn’t want this one to. My heart sank as I entered Kettering, and I knew that in a few short hours I’d be back to reality working my normal person job, stuck in a town where nothing happens.

Thankfully my day didn’t go too slowly, and it was only thoughts of the previous day that kept me going. That’s the thing with acting and me, it’s the only thing that makes me truly happy. Even if I never act again, it’s given me some amazing memories and allowed me to meet some amazing people, and I’ll always be truly greatful for it.

Nxxx

Monday, 8 July 2013

A-Z of Acting. W is for...

Work and woes...


I have been an absolute nightmare to live with this week. I have been tired, grumpy, and unbearable, all because of this crazy thing I call a career.

Last week had been fantastic. I had had six glorious days of acting,including two performances, and despite having to work my normal person job on the Sunday, I was feeling pretty darned happy.
As I left work on Sunday evening, I briefly glanced at the rotas but didn’t really check them properly. I got home and a niggle in the back of my head told me that I was working on the Monday. I checked my diary for what dates I had written down to work, and Monday wasn’t a scheduled work day. Something still told me that the rota might have changed so with a heavy heart I set my alarm early, just so that I could be awake in case my boss rang me to ask me where I was. It only takes me ten minutes to walk there so it wouldn’t be a problem.

I awoke early and began doing my mundane jobs around the house, with my phone in hand waiting for the call but heard nothing. Result, no work for me! I carried on with my day until I couldn’t go on any longer. It got to around 2pm before I finally gave in to my body and had to go back to bed. And I didn’t just have my usual cat-nap curled up on my bed basking in the sunshine, this was a full get back into bed and sleep like you’ve never slept before sleep! I was absolutely exhausted! I had really been looking forward to having two outdoor jobs this summer but it’s really taken it out of me!

Tuesday came, and I was back at work. I had a lovely greeting from my colleagues, before one of them asked “and where were you yesterday?” Oops! Maybe I should have phoned my boss to double check! Oh well! I had a fairly short day at work, but it still didn’t stop me wishing I was performing far far away. I just couldn’t get the show out of my mind. It was infuriating knowing that I wouldn’t get to do the play again until Saturday, and Saturday seemed a very long way away.

I got home exhausted yet again, and had the typical conversation with my mum that happens far more often than I want. Apparently I snapped at her when I answered her question, so she asked why I was being that way. I told her I was tired, to get the usual response of “we’ll I suppose we’re ntit then? You’re not the only one that works you know.”

This normally makes me storm out of the room in a rage but I was too exhausted to even breathe properly. I’ve been joking around with people when they ask me why I’m looking so tired at the moment, and I laugh it off by saying that I have a very emotional journey in the play. Now this is true, but I don’t think people realise how tiring acting is sometimes. I admit that I don’t have any scenes where I have to run about like a mad woman in this play, but a huge scene of mone is incredibly emotional, and getting through it twice a day sobbing doesn’t make you feel like bouncing around the room afterwards, I’m just ready for a nice sit down to be honest.

Aduded to that is the fact that we’re performing outside in crazy temperatures (finally) and you’ve got a load of tired actors on your hands.
My normal person job is pretty much one of the easiest jobs that I’ve ever had, but still, it’s pretty tiring being blasted by the sun all day, and having to deal with moaning children and parents. I’m not much of an outdoorsy person, so I’m really being tested at the moment!

My other reason for being such a grumpy arsehole all week was to do with the fact that I don’t know where my next acting job will come from, if there will be one at all. On Monday I wrote to more agents asking for representation, and got on all of the casting websites that I could find to apply for jobs, and have heard nothing. This is the norm for me, but this time it’s really getting to me. I’m blaming my Claudio slightly for this one! He’s fresh out of drama school, landed this job, has got a tour starting in September, and today had an audition for something at the Edinburgh fringe. It seems like he’s getting everything and I’m still stuck in my neverending pool of despair. Of course it helps him that he’s tall, young, chiselled and attractive, whereas I’m getting on a bit, podgy, and not really on the side of prettiness. But surely there must be something out there for me!!
I need to start creating more of my own opportunities, but I just don’t have the money to do anything either, it’s so frustrating,

The rest of the week passed in an angry blur, more shifts outside, but thankfully short days. Friday arrived and I actually woke up in a very good mood! Friday meant that it was almost Saturday, and Saturday was show day! Friday also happened to be Bastille day, so work was heaving with children, more than it had been all week. They were all there to learn stuff, but they also got to go on all of the rides for free.
We had been closing at 4 all week so I was expecting the same on Friday, and by 3.40, I had no queue on my ride and I started packing away things that I didn’t need any more. Then we got to 3.55, and a huge crowd of children made their way into the arena and straight to where I was stood. I was gutted. Obviously I had to serve them, but I was not happy about it.

To rub it in my face even more, the ride I was on is the only ride that has music playing, and just as they arrived in the queue, ‘Boys of Summer’ began to play. Normally this wouldn’t bother me, but that song is the opening music to our Much Ado and there was nothing I wanted more than to be performing it right at that second. Bloody kids!

I got through it, and through my three hour dance rehearsal that night, got home, washed my hair, fake tanned, and sank into bed thoroughly tired but excited for the next day.

And what a day it was! Absolute glorious sunshine all day long. I enjoyed my drive to our venue, my windows were wide open, I had the radio blasting, all was well!
I was so excited to see my fellow cast mates too. I get close to people when I do shows, and I had missed them a lot. I was the last to arrive, bang on time but still, the last one. That never happens!! We were shown to our dressing room and then we began. We did a speed run of the show just to remind ourselves of what we were actually doing, and as a reminder of our entrances and exits, as we had only rehearsed there for one day. It was a stunning venue, and I couldn’t wait to get started. After the speed run we still had quite a bit of time before the show started so Jacon and I had a little sunbathe and chatter before it got too hot.

And hot it got. The first performance started at 2pm, right in the middle of the hottest part of the day. It was hideous. I was thankful that I was only wearing a thin white summer dress, but I was still melting. The boys must have been drowning, they wear big old boots and army clothing, I felt sorry for them. Hero and Claudio weren’t particularly hands-on during that performance either! It was too hot to even touch each other, so we had to make do with attempting to gaze lovingly at each other. Unfortunately the sun was so bright that we were squinting at each other the whole time and were definitely not attractive to each other in the slightest!!

I had a feeling all day that I had forgotten something, but couldn’t put my finger on what it was until the final scene, where I realised that a vital prop that sits in my bra wasn’t there. I was mortified, but there was nothing I could do. Still, I’d done it now,I wouldn’t cock anything else up that day, right?

We had a nice long three hour break between shows, so four of us headed into Sharnbrook, the village where we were performing, and I had a cheeky ice cream, before heading back and lounging about in the gardens again and being entertained by Bella, the house puppy.

Thankfully the temperature dropped significantly for the evening performance, so normal service resumed. We had lots of people turning up on the door that hadn’t booked, and one woman even climbed the fence to get in once the show had started! We had a good number of audience so we were very happy indeed. I thought that everything was going well for me until about a third of the way in, when I realised that I was wearing the wrong shoes! At least I remembered my bra prop this time, so I think I managed to get away with it. The show was very well received by everyone, and I headed to the pub with the boys afterwards for a cheeky glass before heading home.

The heat had absolutely drained me, and although I got home quite early, just after 10.30, I climbed straight into bed and almost instantly fell asleep. Almost. My eyes were just about to close when there was an almighty bang and a fizzing sound in the middle of the room. I sprang out of bed to get the light, to discover that the bottle of Lucozade that I had taken with me had exploded. My bedroom rug had turned into a pink pond. I mopped it up and got back into bed, ready to face another day at work. It had been a fabulous day, I just wished it could have been longer.

I woke up yesterday to the full extent of my Lucozade massacre. It was everywhere. All over my tv, walls, bookshelf, it was literally like a fizzy bomb had gone off in my room. I had to leave it and go to work. It was another crazily hot day, and it dragged more than any other day has dragged there so far. I had to drag myself around the ride, it was too much of an effort to walk, the sun was unrelenting. I don’t know how I made it to the end of the day it I got home and had a nap on a sun chair in the garden before a well deserved barbecue!

And here we are, back to Monday again. It really is my day off today, my room is drink free, and I’ve applied for more jobs that I won’t get a reponse from. Back to normal it is. Still, only four more days to get through before the next show day. Wish me luck...

nxx