Yikes!
Here we are again, another week, another blog.
Don’t worry, I think it’ll be a short one today. It’s too hot to concentrate on too many words, and you’re probably more excited about the new royal baby boy being born than anything I have to say!
But on we go. Last week was thankfully a lot better than the week before. Sadly, I had to go to my normal person job on the Monday, but had Tuesday off, so I was able to do as I pleased.
I took myself over to Leicester to purchase a new dress for a wedding, after my unsuccessful trip out with Jacob on Saturday. I also met up with my lovely Leicester-based friend Christine and had a good heart to heart with her about my life woes. It was good to talk to someone who knows your situation in life, and I felt much better coming home.
The rest of the week picked up too, I was offered two auditions, and it looked as though job castings were picking up! There was still a chance of me acting again!
I spent the next four days working my normal person job, counting down the hours until I’d get to act again. The shows were on Sunday, so I had to endure an extra day of work before I got to play. It made all the difference, I was exhausted! Despite being on the games stall rather than a ride, it was still so tiring being out in the heat all day.
By the time Sunday arrived, the weather was cooler and I was incredibly grateful. The last two matinees we had, had been too hot and uncomfortable for anyone to be happy, but it was just right. Our audience were very quiet but all seemed to enjoy themselves which is all we asked of them! And then my nerves fully kicked in.
I had a lot of friends coming to watch the evening show, and I began to feel sick. I don’t know why I was so nervous, it’s not like they would tell me the show was awful! I watched from the gazebo as they all arrived, leaving it right to the last second as normal, putting extra nerves into me, and we began.
And what a show it was. The audience loved it, we made people laugh, we made people cry, and to top it all off, our setting was beautiful. The sun was setting behind us as I was betrothed to Claudio, and it was a perfect magical place to be. I personally felt as if it was my best performance of the run too, and afterward when my friends told me that they had wept, I felt like I’d done a good job!
The day had flown by, and I was sad to go home, but I was absolutely exhausted and didn’t know what to do with myself. I threw myself into bed and slept away the night peacefully.
I woke up this morning feeling good, until I realised that the reason I had set my alarm was because I had to go to work. I burst into tears and didn’t actually stop crying until 10.30 when the customers were let in the gates, half an hour into my shift! I obviously tried to keep it all in, but every time someone asked me how the performances went, the emotions came flooding out again.
A couple of people asked me what was wrong, but I couldn’t explain it to them without sounding like an ungrateful prick. How can you say to people that you work with that you’re crying just because you don’t want to be there?!? One girl looked at me like I was insane.
It’s very hard to explain to people who aren’t in the industry how things go. Last week I had people offering me suggestions of work which were just ridiculous. They hear the word ‘actor’ and just think you’ll do anything. No I won’t! And they ask if you’ll work for companies that you know for a fact are am-dram. It’s very frustrating.
As well as being incredibly exhausted, I’m absolutely devastated that it’s our final show on Thursday. I’ve said it before, I get very attached to shows, and once they’re over, I don’t know what to do with myself. I also know that I have no acting work lined up at all, nothing to focus on, and that makes me feel so upset. And to have to wake up for the rest of the summer and go to the park where all I have to do is press buttons all day is pretty depressing. I don’t have to use my brain in this job. It’s not challenging, it’s the same thing, day in, day out. Don’t get me wrong, I’m grateful to actually have a job and be earning some money so that I can travel to auditions etc, but it’s just not acting.
The cast of Much Ado are fabulous, we all get on so well and I’m going to miss them all so much. I know I’ll probably see most of them again, Bedford isn’t far, but we’ll probably all never be in the same place at the same time again. We won’t be performing this play again. We’ve all got close to each other and we’re like a little family that get together every week and tell a story to strangers for money! We’ve gone through a lot in rehearsals and performances, and we’ll never have those moments again.
This is the point where acting sucks. Everything comes to an end and there’s nothing you can do about it. You just hope that the friendships you’ve made are real, and that you stay in touch. But most of the time that never happens. People move on, people get forgotten.
I want the cast to know that they’ve made the start of this summer truly magical, I’ve had something to look forward to every week, and it’s not just performing the show, it’s being with them. They’re an amazing bunch of people and I’ll miss them all so much.
I love you guys. Final show on Thursday, let’s make it one to remember ;)
Nxxx
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