Who knows if anyone will decide to read this but I thought I’d give it a go…
Whenever I meet someone new, I always dread the inevitable question, “So what do you do?” Ugh! I feel absolutely ridiculous answering, and get terrified people will judge me. So very unwillingly I try to mumble the word ‘actress’.
It wouldn’t be so bad if people didn’t think it was impressive. and people can never leave it at just that one question… you get the “Ooh, what have you been in? Have I seen you in anything?” to which I have to reply “Not anything you’d have seen…” and then see disappointment cross their faces and watch them try to scurry away when I can’t tell them which episode of ‘The Bill’ or ‘Casualty’ I’ve been in.
The dedicated few who are polite enough to enquire further and find out that I tour around schools, running around like a loon shouting ridiculous phrases, seem to think that it’s an insanely glamorous lifestyle; travelling around different countries and seeing new places every day…
Now don’t get me wrong, I do love my job… It’s just nothing like you would expect. I returned home yesterday for a week off from my tour, but what a week it was!
Usually when you tour, you get put up in lovely cosy cottages attached to a farm… you might think that’s a bit bizarre but they can be really nice. Despite being literally in the middle of nowhere… I still don’t know why this is… Do the bosses think we’re going to go out and cause havoc in the local towns every night?!? Anyway, sometimes if you are very unlucky you will have a to stay in a one-night hotel on the side of the motorway (you know what I’m talking about!), or sometimes you will get a Bed and Breakfast. Which was my form of accommodation this week.
So we arrived up in Yorkshire at about 9pm Monday night, found the B&B, strolled up to it and knocked on the door. A woman answered, and we explained who we were. After looking slightly confused we were let in. We were asked to sign a piece of paper, filling in a few details, when my colleague casually enquired if the rooms had been paid for. (The bosses had been stuck in Palma due to volcanic ash clouds so it was a last-minute thing.) The woman practically snatched the form away from him because she was expecting us to cough up the cash. It turned out the company had been emailing the woman asking how to pay but she hadn’t replied. After a frantic call to the bosses (fearful we wouldn’t be allowed in without paying), she let us in. We would have to pay- but she didn’t take cheques or cards! (Hello- 2010!!)
After persuading her that we could bring her the cold hard cash the next evening on our return, she let us in and asked us about breakfast. Would we like cooked or continental? One cooked, one continental please. What time would we like it? Let’s see… we have to leave at 7am so would 6.30 be OK? Of course not. Cook wouldn’t be happy if she had to come in that early! Breakfast! Her job! What time of day does she think we want to eat?!?! So she kindly(!) knocked of the £2 each for the breakfast, and left us out a flask of milk overnight so we could help ourselves to cereal. Tea and coffee equipment was also provided in the bedrooms. I don’t even drink tea or coffee!Thanks! But boy did I hit that cereal table!
After sorting the breakfast situation, we were taken upstairs to see the bedrooms “So you can fight it out to see which one you want.” Seriously, we’ve been travelling for hours in the van, all I want to do is watch ‘Glee’ and go to sleep! But no, we got a short guide to the rooms and then she played a little game with us. She literally turned into a completely different person. We’d seen angry landlady downstairs, arguing over a slice of toast, and now we had bizarre hyperactive game referee woman! Despite our insistence that I would take the smaller room, she was adamant that we should play her game! She put the keys in her hands and mixed them round and asked us to pick a hand. “No, it’s alright, I’ll take this room.” “Oh come on, play my game!” “No, really, I’ll take this room!” She finally relented and we got our bags in to settle down for the night.
And what a room I had! The best bit about it was the bed. Which was probably to be expected in a BED and breakfast! But that was the only positive about it. It was completely magnolia in colour, had a tiny dressing table which housed the aforementioned tea and coffee facilities, a bedside table with a big vase of fake flowers (so far, so good) a wicker chair that had definitely seen better days, a little bathroom to the side, and a television that I could only receive Channel 4 on. And even then, the reception was appalling!
Swiftly realising I wasn’t going to get my ‘Glee’ fix, I thought I’d just go to bed instead. Off I trotted to my bathroom, turned on the hot tap in the sink, and out came freezing cold water. Great. I had to boil the miniscule kettle to get hot water to wash my face! I took one look at the shower and decided that I probably wasn’t that dirty and could go without for one day!
Off we trotted downstairs for our hearty breakfast of Sugar Puffs the next morning, and I can honestly say I’ve never been so glad to be going to work! Thankfully the kids were really good in the morning and I had quite a nice day. The afternoon brought us to a special needs school, which I have no problem going to, it just required a lot more vocal volume, and then we had to wait for 45 minutes after we finished the show to be able to get anything out of the school due to minibuses blocking our route! Still, more time away from the B&B could only be a good thing. As soon as we arrived back ‘home’ that night, the landlady pounced on us, obviously looking for our cash! She tried to make it look like she was interested in our day but I could read her like a book! Still, once she got what she wanted, we didn’t see her again. I managed to amuse myself with a DVD and went to bed feeling very happy that we were leaving in the morning.
A full day again on Wednesday, one show of which brought the most comical answer from a child EVER! The show is literacy-based, and we tell the children some stories along the way. We were nearing the end of the show when I turned to the audience to ask “Do you know any more stories by Charles Dickens?” There was a very angelic-looking little boy sat right at the front and his hand went up quite slowly but it was the only hand I saw. “Do you know a story by Charles Dickens?” “The Italian Job.” “Erm, I’m not quite sure he wrote that one but well done for having a go!” Absolutely priceless! There were only about ten minutes left of the show but I was having to bite my tongue ridiculously hard to stop myself from laughing out loud in the poor boys face! I’ve heard some cracking answers on this tour but that one was the icing on the top! Brilliant!
Wednesday evening brought along a 3-hour drive up to Cumbria to our second Bed and Breakfast of the week. Again, a 2-night stay but what a difference! For pretty much the same price we had a lovely room each with a colour television with Freeview, Wifi, and breakfast when we wanted it! And there was no ordering it the night before, we could make up our minds when we got there. There was a residents lounge with comfy sofas, a big television and countless books. The one thing that was slightly awkward was having to use a communal bathroom; I found myself scuttling along the corridor wrapped in a towel a couple of times, trying to avoid seeing anyone! But it was amazing! And the town was so nice! Everyone was ridiculously friendly, it was (not literally) a million miles away from the previous nights. We had Thursday afternoon and Friday morning off too, which helped!
Thursday morning’s show was at another special needs school which meant a shorter show for us (don’t tell the boss!) and a smaller audience which was really nice. Sometimes it’s nice not to have to do battle with a 350-odd audience of wriggling shouting children! It turned out that one of my friends from a previous tour lived in the next town along so I was able to meet up with her for a bevvy or two in the local Wetherspoons! The sun was shining, Ihad good company and an afternoon off. This is what makes touring wonderful! I was able to relax in the evening with a nice bit of televisual entertainment- well, election coverage (I didn’t vote- didn’t sort out my postal vote in time) and had a nice chilled out time. I had to force myself to get up on Friday morning just because breakfast was only served until 8, but then I just went back to my room and had a nice little lie down for another hour before it was time to go.
Annoyingly we had a journey of almost 2 hours to get to the show, and got stuck behind every slow vehicle possible on all of the bumpy winding country roads. Even more annoyingly was the fact we had to travel further north when we were both going home that evening… added hours to our travel time. And when we finally reached the town, we couldn’t find the school! We were in Workington, which had had terrible flooding a few months ago due to the amount of snow, meaning the main bridge in the town had collapsed. Obviously my sat-nav was oblivious to the fact, and we had to ask the locals how to cross the river to where we needed to be. We managed to get across, but the school was nowhere to be found. The postcode we had led us to a field, and even the locals in the town told us the wrong road!
We arrived in plenty of time in the end, had a really good show… apart from one of our volunteers having an accident onstage with us. Cue Rob improvising while Natalie ran away to get some tissue to mop it up so I didn’t break my neck slipping on a school childs urine! Marvellous!
Then came the long journey home. Despite only having been home the previous weekend, and only having a 4-day week due to the Bank Holiday, I was so ready to go home. So we set off. 5 hours later, and pretty much the whole length of the M4 driven, I was back in my town and even managed to make it to the last half an hour of rehearsals for my next show! Everyone in the cast was suitably impressed with the fact I’d turned up in the company Transit van, and that I could actually drive one!
After all the excitement of the week I had a very good night’s sleep! So now I have a whole week off to relax and rehearse for my next show in… 3 weeks time! It just remains for me to say… Buy your tickets!! Starlight Dance present ‘Evolution’ -29th May at the Lighthouse Theatre, Kettering, 7.30pm. Be there!
Over and out for now x
No comments:
Post a Comment