Tonights blog entry comes from a heavy heart. Unfortunately yesterday, time was called on my relationship with my other half. I'm not going to get all mopey about it, it was a mutual decision, but still, sad all the same.
Annoyingly, the same thoughts have popped into my head as from when my previous two relationships ended. My course leader from my actor training once said something that has always stuck in my head. He said, "In this industry, you either choose your career, or you choose a relationship." Being a young eager student, I looked at him and thought he was talking rubbish. There he was, a married man, teaching us while still having an acting career. I thought, well if he can do it, so can I!
It seems that he was right after all. My career is to blame. Even though I'm not currently rehearsing or performing anything, it's still crept up and bitten me on the behind.
Acting is non-stop, I'm currently working my normal person job during the day, but as soon as I get home I'm onto casting websites searching for acting jobs, sending off my CV and hoping for the best. I had a day off yesterday, but the majority of it was spent driving down the country's motorways for an audition which lasted only a quarter of my drive time. I'm always searching for the next thing and it's exhausting. If I'm not doing any of the above, I'm attempting to hone my skills in singing and dance classes.
In the end, it just got too much for us, I was so busy that I was barely seeing him, and when I did, I was too exhausted to focus on what was going on. I thought I'd have fun this summer, and I have, but I underestimated how hard it would be to juggle a normal job with acting, after spending so much time unemployed.
I think it's very hard to understand the industry when you're not in it, and (I might be extremely wrong and jumping to conclusions here) I don't think the other half quite realised how much it actually means to me. People seem to be happy for you when you have an acting job, but because they rarely lasts more than a couple of months, it begins to look more like a hobby than a career choice.
We work so hard to get acting work, and before you know it, the job is finished, you probably never see the people you've worked with again, and you're left with a big hole in your heart wondering what you're going to do next. As much as you have people around you that care about you, an actors head is the loneliest place to be.
There's constant self doubt about how you look, if you actually have any acting talent, and questioning why you didn't get a certain job that you were positive you were right for.
I was really saddened on Monday to hear about the death of another actor, Lee Thompson Young. He was an actor most recently in Rizzoli & Isles, a programme that I'm not familiar with, and to be honest, I hadn't even heard of Lee, but it's sad to know that even when you're a high profile actor in a successful TV show, you still have these thoughts and doubts. Lee allegedly took his own life, and died at the age of 29.
Richard Gent, Paul Bhattacharjee and Cory Monteith have also left us recently, and especially in the case of Cory, I was shocked that people who seemed to have it all could feel the way that they did.
Last month I felt like giving it all up, I seemed to be getting nowhere, and was watching everyone else getting work that I wanted to be doing. But I knew deep down that it's the only thing I can do. A friend said to me last night that I should be congratulated for my ongoing perseverance in a tough industry. I was flattered at the time, but thinking about it, I don't think that I should. If you want something badly enough you will work yourself ridiculously hard until you get it, no matter what it is.
I know I'm lazy compared to some actors, but I do work hard to keep going, and yes, sometimes it is hard to put the smile on my face when you're constantly getting battered back down to step one again. But I don't have a choice. The thought of doing anything else makes me shiver. It's not that I don't want to do anything else, I can't do anything else, I have to make this work.
My upcoming secret project that I'm still keeping a secret has boosted my confidence so much. I've not been completely happy with some of the performances that I've given this year, but to have been seen in that and still asked to do this project shows that at least one person out there has seen my potential and thinks that I stand a chance of doing a half-decent job, and that's good enough for me.
I had fun in my relationship, it was the first one I've had where the other person wasn't involved in the industry somehow, and it was refreshing, but maybe it's time to return to the people that I know. People who know exactly what it feels like to wrench yourself away from a group of creatives and sit bewildered at real life wondering how you're going to pay your next bills. People who aren't afraid of singing out loud in public, dancing through the streets. People like me, who love being in that acting bubble and refuse to give it up, even if you do have to sacrifice the things and people that you love.
Letting go of someone you care about hurts like hell, but sometimes you have to do it for the sake of the other person.
Doug, you were right. Chris, I'm sorry. And thank you for putting up with me for so long. As you would say, you're a great bloke!
Nxxx
Wednesday 21 August 2013
Wednesday 14 August 2013
The first panto audition of 2013... Oh yes it was!
Sorry, couldn't resist!
But yes, I did indeed have my first pantomime audition of the year at the weekend. I had applied for the job a few weeks back, when regular readers will know that I was having a horrible time of it.
Every actor has their down moments, and mine didn't look like it was going to shift anywhere quickly. I had sent off what felt like hundreds of job applications (in reality it was probably close to twenty due to the ridiculous nature of the business and trying to find any job that I might be able to squeeze myself into the casting bracket for), and I was getting nowhere.
On my casting website of choice, you are able to see when an employer that you have applied to has viewed your profile, and to see that the majority of them had looked at me and decided that my face didn't fit was making me feel worse.
And then I got a response! And it was more than a response, it was an audition offer! I couldn't believe it! They had been quite sneaky in their casting by not revealing their company name, but once I received their email, I could see that I had auditioned for them before, two years ago. They hadn't wanted me then, but apparently were very impressed with me and would like to see me again.
I then had to source my audition material. I'm not ashamed to say that I've been quite lazy. When the same companies hire me again and again, I feel like I don't need to keep audition pieces to hand/in my head. Big mistake. Never do that, always store stuff, I know it'll come to bite me in the arse soon enough!
Anyway, I had to prepare a monologue suitable for children and a song. I began to worry. I couldn't for the life of me remember what I had done for them before. I decided to take a risk and go with a monologue that I've used a couple of times before that has got me work, so I thought I'd be safe. My song choice was easy, I went with 'Someday' from The Wedding Singer. My monologue was in the form of an ugly sister character, and my song was a nice girl song, so I had two contrasting pieces. See, it's almost like I know what I'm doing!
Naturally I left it until audition week to really rehearse. I don't sing in the house if people are in, and my day off from normal person work coincided with my dad playing golf, so I annoyed the hell out of my neighbours by singing all afternoon! I didn't do a proper warm-up either so the first twenty minutes were dreadful! Sorry guys, but that's my revenge for keeping me awake with your singing when I was a child!!
Audition day rolled around, and I had been told that the audition would start at 9.30am. Ugh. I cast my mind back to the last time that I auditioned for the company and remembered that we had done a large group audition before doing our individual speeches and songs. I was happy with that set up, I did some vocal warm ups in the car on the way, and sang the hell out of my song, but didn't do too much as I knew that I would get warmed up working with other people.
I arrived at around 9.10am. I recognised the company owners car from my previous audition, but no-one else seemed to be around. I wasn't concerned, I'm the first person to arrive at auditions 90% of the time. Time ticked on, and no-one else turned up. Panic and nerves set in. Was that the right car? Was I in the right place? Had they changed the date and I hadn't got the email?
At 9.25 I decided to venture into the building. The door was open so I tentatively made my way inside, calling out a hopeful "Hello?" on my way. I walked in further and saw a man standing in the centre of the room, he stopped what he was doing and smiled at me. I heard a female voice say hello at me, I took a couple of steps into the room to see the face it had come from, and I realised that I had interrupted the poor boy's audition. Well done Natalie.
I took a seat outside the room while he carried on, and picked up the first magazine that I saw and pretended to read it while listening in. My heart went out to him. He was in a proper pickle, and I knew that I had been in his shoes a few times before. He got to the same point in his speech every time and forgot it in exactly the same place. Despite my thoughts that he had chosen a very strange option for a kids panto (I recognised it as being from A Midsummer Nights Dream), I was willing him on to do well. I didn't know who he was, I'll probably never see him again, but although actors are fiercely competitive when it comes to landing roles, I wasn't up against him, and I wanted him to do so well!
He gave me a slight smile as he left the room, and I wanted to apologise for barging in on his audition, but I thought the poor boy felt bad enough as it was, I just smiled and lowered my head to my mountain biking magazine.
The company owner, Laura, then came out and chatted to me before I did my audition. She asked what I had done since I last saw her, what I was up to now, and we had a chat about touring life and what the job would entail. It has been two and a bit years since my last proper tour, but what she was telling me brought it all back, and it felt like I was almost back behind the wheel of a transit van once more...
We moved into the audition room and I did my speech, which went quite well considering I only practised it out loud once on the car journey there. Then it was song time. I hadn't taken my music on CD so had to song unaccompanied, which was fine, as my backing track wasn't in the best key for my voice(!). Considering how nervous I get at singing auditions, I held it together and managed to not hit any bum notes, result!
I had to do one more little exercise which was to recite a nursery rhyme in the style of a comedy character, with an accent. Easy. Bashed that out in 30 seconds!
And that was it! Audition over. No group work, nothing. I didn't even see anyone else going in as I left. I was home again by 10.15 and had the day to myself. Lovely!
I had a fairly good day today, apart from someone I work with ticking me off slightly, but I ended my shift and noticed that I had a missed call and a voicemail message. I raced to hear what it was and... I got offered the job! Boom!
I called them back to accept the job, with mixed thoughts running around my head. I won't say what it is yet, but a few weeks ago I was asked if I was free for a certain opportunity that would be happening in December. This opportunity would be amazing, but it hasn't been confirmed yet.
So I might have a big decision to make. Do I go for a tour that I have been offered and would guarantee me money just in time for Christmas, or do I go with the opportunity that could possibly get me further ahead in the game? I know in my head what it is that I want to do, I just have to wait for people to get back to me and then make my choice.
A few weeks ago in my down phase I never thought that I would have to make a choice like this, but now that I do, I feel lucky that I'm kind of in demand! It seems that all of my tears and heartache might have been worth it after all.
Watch this space...
Nxxx
But yes, I did indeed have my first pantomime audition of the year at the weekend. I had applied for the job a few weeks back, when regular readers will know that I was having a horrible time of it.
Every actor has their down moments, and mine didn't look like it was going to shift anywhere quickly. I had sent off what felt like hundreds of job applications (in reality it was probably close to twenty due to the ridiculous nature of the business and trying to find any job that I might be able to squeeze myself into the casting bracket for), and I was getting nowhere.
On my casting website of choice, you are able to see when an employer that you have applied to has viewed your profile, and to see that the majority of them had looked at me and decided that my face didn't fit was making me feel worse.
And then I got a response! And it was more than a response, it was an audition offer! I couldn't believe it! They had been quite sneaky in their casting by not revealing their company name, but once I received their email, I could see that I had auditioned for them before, two years ago. They hadn't wanted me then, but apparently were very impressed with me and would like to see me again.
I then had to source my audition material. I'm not ashamed to say that I've been quite lazy. When the same companies hire me again and again, I feel like I don't need to keep audition pieces to hand/in my head. Big mistake. Never do that, always store stuff, I know it'll come to bite me in the arse soon enough!
Anyway, I had to prepare a monologue suitable for children and a song. I began to worry. I couldn't for the life of me remember what I had done for them before. I decided to take a risk and go with a monologue that I've used a couple of times before that has got me work, so I thought I'd be safe. My song choice was easy, I went with 'Someday' from The Wedding Singer. My monologue was in the form of an ugly sister character, and my song was a nice girl song, so I had two contrasting pieces. See, it's almost like I know what I'm doing!
Naturally I left it until audition week to really rehearse. I don't sing in the house if people are in, and my day off from normal person work coincided with my dad playing golf, so I annoyed the hell out of my neighbours by singing all afternoon! I didn't do a proper warm-up either so the first twenty minutes were dreadful! Sorry guys, but that's my revenge for keeping me awake with your singing when I was a child!!
Audition day rolled around, and I had been told that the audition would start at 9.30am. Ugh. I cast my mind back to the last time that I auditioned for the company and remembered that we had done a large group audition before doing our individual speeches and songs. I was happy with that set up, I did some vocal warm ups in the car on the way, and sang the hell out of my song, but didn't do too much as I knew that I would get warmed up working with other people.
I arrived at around 9.10am. I recognised the company owners car from my previous audition, but no-one else seemed to be around. I wasn't concerned, I'm the first person to arrive at auditions 90% of the time. Time ticked on, and no-one else turned up. Panic and nerves set in. Was that the right car? Was I in the right place? Had they changed the date and I hadn't got the email?
At 9.25 I decided to venture into the building. The door was open so I tentatively made my way inside, calling out a hopeful "Hello?" on my way. I walked in further and saw a man standing in the centre of the room, he stopped what he was doing and smiled at me. I heard a female voice say hello at me, I took a couple of steps into the room to see the face it had come from, and I realised that I had interrupted the poor boy's audition. Well done Natalie.
I took a seat outside the room while he carried on, and picked up the first magazine that I saw and pretended to read it while listening in. My heart went out to him. He was in a proper pickle, and I knew that I had been in his shoes a few times before. He got to the same point in his speech every time and forgot it in exactly the same place. Despite my thoughts that he had chosen a very strange option for a kids panto (I recognised it as being from A Midsummer Nights Dream), I was willing him on to do well. I didn't know who he was, I'll probably never see him again, but although actors are fiercely competitive when it comes to landing roles, I wasn't up against him, and I wanted him to do so well!
He gave me a slight smile as he left the room, and I wanted to apologise for barging in on his audition, but I thought the poor boy felt bad enough as it was, I just smiled and lowered my head to my mountain biking magazine.
The company owner, Laura, then came out and chatted to me before I did my audition. She asked what I had done since I last saw her, what I was up to now, and we had a chat about touring life and what the job would entail. It has been two and a bit years since my last proper tour, but what she was telling me brought it all back, and it felt like I was almost back behind the wheel of a transit van once more...
We moved into the audition room and I did my speech, which went quite well considering I only practised it out loud once on the car journey there. Then it was song time. I hadn't taken my music on CD so had to song unaccompanied, which was fine, as my backing track wasn't in the best key for my voice(!). Considering how nervous I get at singing auditions, I held it together and managed to not hit any bum notes, result!
I had to do one more little exercise which was to recite a nursery rhyme in the style of a comedy character, with an accent. Easy. Bashed that out in 30 seconds!
And that was it! Audition over. No group work, nothing. I didn't even see anyone else going in as I left. I was home again by 10.15 and had the day to myself. Lovely!
I had a fairly good day today, apart from someone I work with ticking me off slightly, but I ended my shift and noticed that I had a missed call and a voicemail message. I raced to hear what it was and... I got offered the job! Boom!
I called them back to accept the job, with mixed thoughts running around my head. I won't say what it is yet, but a few weeks ago I was asked if I was free for a certain opportunity that would be happening in December. This opportunity would be amazing, but it hasn't been confirmed yet.
So I might have a big decision to make. Do I go for a tour that I have been offered and would guarantee me money just in time for Christmas, or do I go with the opportunity that could possibly get me further ahead in the game? I know in my head what it is that I want to do, I just have to wait for people to get back to me and then make my choice.
A few weeks ago in my down phase I never thought that I would have to make a choice like this, but now that I do, I feel lucky that I'm kind of in demand! It seems that all of my tears and heartache might have been worth it after all.
Watch this space...
Nxxx
Tuesday 6 August 2013
An actors life for me... please
Last week I thought that with all summer performances under my belt, I'd have time to sit back, relax and finally have some time to sleep and eat. Turns out I was wrong.
When I'm not doing acting jobs, you can normally find me (if my parents are out) sprawled out on the sofa indulging in an afternoon episode of Diagnosis Murder or three, regularly picking up my phone to check the latest castings that inevitably I'm not suitable for. This hasn't happened for a while, and I'm starting to miss Dick Van Dyke.
I dragged myself out of bed on Monday morning to begin my four days straight of normal person work. I wasn't as miserable as I thought I would be, I'd had a good week of performing the previous week, so I think my spirits were still high.
It got better throughout the day, as I found out that I had actually made money from the play that I was in! And it was a lot more than I was expecting too! The afternoon whizzed by in a happy blur after that! I've done quite a lot of jobs this year, but have only been paid for about two of them, and both weren't a great deal of money. But my bank manager would be happy to see this going into my account. Either that, or puzzled! Paid from a job? Crazy!
My good mood continued on Tuesday despite being at work again. It was very quiet all day, and staff were being sent home. I had to put my foot down when I was asked to go home just over half way into my shift. I have an acting career to fund, I can't just go home when there's money to be earned!
Wednesday was a completely different ball game. It rained constantly all day. I volunteered to go home as soon as I could. I worked for two and a half hours before I skipped merrily across the field and home. It was a good job I did really. As I had been stupidly busy, I hadn't had time to tidy up anything from the previous weeks performances, and the house was not looking the best!
I had Shakespeare costumes and props littering every available surface in my bedroom, and every single costume (and there was a lot) from my dance show at the weekend had been carelessly hurled onto the floor, in a horrible damp sweaty heap. I wasn't proud. As soon as I got home, I voyaged into town and picked up a few last minute pieces that I needed for my attendance at a wedding and returned to face my own filth. It took a long time, but finally everything was back in order and peace was restored. I was feeling good, but things got a lot better when I heard from an old touring chum later that night. He told me that he was casting for performers at Thorpe Park for later in the year and that I should apply. Everything that he told me sounded fantastic, and I immediately filled in the application form and hoped for the best. I need work and I need to sort it now!
Work flew by on Thursday and I couldn't have been happier, Friday was wedding day! I scurried along to my Thursday evening choir practise, before going to buy a secret birthday cake and bottle of fizz, before starting wedding guest grooming! I went to sleep buzzing, it was going to be a good couple of days!
I collected my friends from their respective houses on Friday morning, and we made our way to Newport Pagnell for the nuptials. I won't go on about the wedding as you don't know the couple, but it was beautiful. The bride looked just like a fairytale princess, and the groom's vows made me cry more than I've ever cried at a wedding. When it came to the 'Do you take her to be your wife' part of the ceremony I was absolutely terrified. I think I was more nervous than the groom, and he looked like he was going to throw up!! I was still in the mindset of 'Much Ado About Nothing', and we all know how Hero's first wedding ended! Thankfully no-one was called a rotten orange, and Mr and Mrs Wright were man and wife!
We headed out after the ceremony for a lovely birthday lunch at TGI Fridays for my lovely friend Corinne. She was thoroughly embarrassed when the staff sang to her, but we enjoyed complimentary cake between us and a beautiful time was had by all. We made our way back to the hotel for our secret party for her.
She had questioned why we had taken so many bags with us, but I brushed it off as being a heavy packer! After an elaborate plan to get her out of the room involving a faked trip up the stairs and a 'sprained wrist' (Corinne is a physiotherapist), our secret was unleashed and we spent a lovely hour drinking cider and dancing around the room before the wedding reception.
I've said a million times before how I love being around creative people, but it was so nice to be with my non-acting friends, laughing and joking around without a care in the world. I love you guys!
After much dancing and drinking that evening, we retired to bed, three of us in two single beds pushed together, with me ending up on the crack in the middle due to my evening facial routine taking priority before sleep! It was the best nights sleep I've had in ages, all of my stresses were over, and I had nothing left to worry about, bliss.
It was early to rise though, as we had to head back to Kettering as I had to make my debut as a catwalk model! We drove back in beautiful sunshine, and I knew it was going to be a good day!
The fashion show went quite well! I modelled for various shops in the town, Dorothy Perkins, Next, Internacionale, Roman Originals, and... Bon Marche! Thankfully I didn't fall off my shoes so all was well!
I had a nice little catch up with a couple of people, before making my way back to Bedford to watch a play.
I was excited to be watching it, as I had missed it the last time it was performed, and had heard brilliant things about it. However, I was gutted that I wasn't going back to perform myself. That day I passed three of our five venues for Much Ado, and I'll admit I did start to well up a bit. But I knew that it was time to let it go.
The play was amazing. It had a guy in it that I had worked with back in February, and he was magnificent. I knew back then that he was amazingly talented, but in this play I could not take my eyes off him. He was so good, I was mesmerised. After the play we headed to the pub. When I saw we, there were about half of the Much Ado cast there, so it was a nice mini-reunion. Alcohol was consumed (by them), and we chatted about acting and the future. It was good. It had been less than a week since I'd seen them but it was nice to get back together again. I wasn't feeling sad any more, I know that they're still there, I just have to find my moments to see them.
I was back to work on Sunday and Monday, but it wasn't too bad! Today, however is Tuesday, and my day off. And I'm slightly ashamed to tell you that I've slipped back into my old ways. I've got an audition lined up on Saturday, and my day was supposed to consist entirely of audition preparation. In reality, I've done about an hours worth, and spent a lovely hour with Dick Van Dyke again. Oops. I know to get anywhere now I've got to create my own opportunities, but that silver haired wonder is just sometimes too hard to resist!
Being back in Bedford on Saturday made me happy. There are people there who want to work with me, who I would be honoured to work with, and watching the two amazing people in the play has made me want to work harder to be as good, if not better than they are. It's inspiring to watch other people, it gives me such a drive to work harder to get what I want.
I've got this audition on Saturday, which I'm looking forward to. To get the job would be good, but I'm hoping that it's only a back-up plan. I've been asked to do a project in December which I won't reveal now as it's still up in the air, but would be an amazing opportunity. I was emailed by someone who I've not worked for before, who has seen my work and would like me to be in his next production. That made me feel pretty special. I know he saw me in Much Ado, and looking back on it, I know it wasn't my best work. I'm not ashamed to say that I struggled with it a lot, acting really is hard sometimes but you can't let it defeat you. I didn't, I carried on, and we did a bloody good show. So to have him still want me to perform for his company after that put the biggest smile on my face.
I'm waiting to hear more details but let's just say I might be travelling further afield than Bedford this Christmas...
Things might actually be starting to fall into place!
Nxxx
When I'm not doing acting jobs, you can normally find me (if my parents are out) sprawled out on the sofa indulging in an afternoon episode of Diagnosis Murder or three, regularly picking up my phone to check the latest castings that inevitably I'm not suitable for. This hasn't happened for a while, and I'm starting to miss Dick Van Dyke.
I dragged myself out of bed on Monday morning to begin my four days straight of normal person work. I wasn't as miserable as I thought I would be, I'd had a good week of performing the previous week, so I think my spirits were still high.
It got better throughout the day, as I found out that I had actually made money from the play that I was in! And it was a lot more than I was expecting too! The afternoon whizzed by in a happy blur after that! I've done quite a lot of jobs this year, but have only been paid for about two of them, and both weren't a great deal of money. But my bank manager would be happy to see this going into my account. Either that, or puzzled! Paid from a job? Crazy!
My good mood continued on Tuesday despite being at work again. It was very quiet all day, and staff were being sent home. I had to put my foot down when I was asked to go home just over half way into my shift. I have an acting career to fund, I can't just go home when there's money to be earned!
Wednesday was a completely different ball game. It rained constantly all day. I volunteered to go home as soon as I could. I worked for two and a half hours before I skipped merrily across the field and home. It was a good job I did really. As I had been stupidly busy, I hadn't had time to tidy up anything from the previous weeks performances, and the house was not looking the best!
I had Shakespeare costumes and props littering every available surface in my bedroom, and every single costume (and there was a lot) from my dance show at the weekend had been carelessly hurled onto the floor, in a horrible damp sweaty heap. I wasn't proud. As soon as I got home, I voyaged into town and picked up a few last minute pieces that I needed for my attendance at a wedding and returned to face my own filth. It took a long time, but finally everything was back in order and peace was restored. I was feeling good, but things got a lot better when I heard from an old touring chum later that night. He told me that he was casting for performers at Thorpe Park for later in the year and that I should apply. Everything that he told me sounded fantastic, and I immediately filled in the application form and hoped for the best. I need work and I need to sort it now!
Work flew by on Thursday and I couldn't have been happier, Friday was wedding day! I scurried along to my Thursday evening choir practise, before going to buy a secret birthday cake and bottle of fizz, before starting wedding guest grooming! I went to sleep buzzing, it was going to be a good couple of days!
I collected my friends from their respective houses on Friday morning, and we made our way to Newport Pagnell for the nuptials. I won't go on about the wedding as you don't know the couple, but it was beautiful. The bride looked just like a fairytale princess, and the groom's vows made me cry more than I've ever cried at a wedding. When it came to the 'Do you take her to be your wife' part of the ceremony I was absolutely terrified. I think I was more nervous than the groom, and he looked like he was going to throw up!! I was still in the mindset of 'Much Ado About Nothing', and we all know how Hero's first wedding ended! Thankfully no-one was called a rotten orange, and Mr and Mrs Wright were man and wife!
We headed out after the ceremony for a lovely birthday lunch at TGI Fridays for my lovely friend Corinne. She was thoroughly embarrassed when the staff sang to her, but we enjoyed complimentary cake between us and a beautiful time was had by all. We made our way back to the hotel for our secret party for her.
She had questioned why we had taken so many bags with us, but I brushed it off as being a heavy packer! After an elaborate plan to get her out of the room involving a faked trip up the stairs and a 'sprained wrist' (Corinne is a physiotherapist), our secret was unleashed and we spent a lovely hour drinking cider and dancing around the room before the wedding reception.
I've said a million times before how I love being around creative people, but it was so nice to be with my non-acting friends, laughing and joking around without a care in the world. I love you guys!
After much dancing and drinking that evening, we retired to bed, three of us in two single beds pushed together, with me ending up on the crack in the middle due to my evening facial routine taking priority before sleep! It was the best nights sleep I've had in ages, all of my stresses were over, and I had nothing left to worry about, bliss.
It was early to rise though, as we had to head back to Kettering as I had to make my debut as a catwalk model! We drove back in beautiful sunshine, and I knew it was going to be a good day!
The fashion show went quite well! I modelled for various shops in the town, Dorothy Perkins, Next, Internacionale, Roman Originals, and... Bon Marche! Thankfully I didn't fall off my shoes so all was well!
I had a nice little catch up with a couple of people, before making my way back to Bedford to watch a play.
I was excited to be watching it, as I had missed it the last time it was performed, and had heard brilliant things about it. However, I was gutted that I wasn't going back to perform myself. That day I passed three of our five venues for Much Ado, and I'll admit I did start to well up a bit. But I knew that it was time to let it go.
The play was amazing. It had a guy in it that I had worked with back in February, and he was magnificent. I knew back then that he was amazingly talented, but in this play I could not take my eyes off him. He was so good, I was mesmerised. After the play we headed to the pub. When I saw we, there were about half of the Much Ado cast there, so it was a nice mini-reunion. Alcohol was consumed (by them), and we chatted about acting and the future. It was good. It had been less than a week since I'd seen them but it was nice to get back together again. I wasn't feeling sad any more, I know that they're still there, I just have to find my moments to see them.
I was back to work on Sunday and Monday, but it wasn't too bad! Today, however is Tuesday, and my day off. And I'm slightly ashamed to tell you that I've slipped back into my old ways. I've got an audition lined up on Saturday, and my day was supposed to consist entirely of audition preparation. In reality, I've done about an hours worth, and spent a lovely hour with Dick Van Dyke again. Oops. I know to get anywhere now I've got to create my own opportunities, but that silver haired wonder is just sometimes too hard to resist!
Being back in Bedford on Saturday made me happy. There are people there who want to work with me, who I would be honoured to work with, and watching the two amazing people in the play has made me want to work harder to be as good, if not better than they are. It's inspiring to watch other people, it gives me such a drive to work harder to get what I want.
I've got this audition on Saturday, which I'm looking forward to. To get the job would be good, but I'm hoping that it's only a back-up plan. I've been asked to do a project in December which I won't reveal now as it's still up in the air, but would be an amazing opportunity. I was emailed by someone who I've not worked for before, who has seen my work and would like me to be in his next production. That made me feel pretty special. I know he saw me in Much Ado, and looking back on it, I know it wasn't my best work. I'm not ashamed to say that I struggled with it a lot, acting really is hard sometimes but you can't let it defeat you. I didn't, I carried on, and we did a bloody good show. So to have him still want me to perform for his company after that put the biggest smile on my face.
I'm waiting to hear more details but let's just say I might be travelling further afield than Bedford this Christmas...
Things might actually be starting to fall into place!
Nxxx
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