The first 2 auditions of 2012...

I've just flicked through my 2012 New Year's Resolutions list, and of the 8 frantically typed, there are 7 that I'm hoping will get me some decent acting work this year. It's quite a good range, I have Number 6 Get an agent. Useful. Number 7 Get new headshots. Also useful. Number 5 is Learn a musical instrument. I have started this one, I've bought a ukulele! So far I've been too embarrassed to play it properly in the house as my parents will probably laugh at my attempts so I've been quietly strumming in a corner, with the only song nearly mastered being 'Forget You' by Cee Lo Green. The final resolution on my list is learn how to ride my unicycle. I have shared my list with a few people, all of whom have mocked the idea of me riding a unicycle. They seem to forget that no-one in Kettering is ever seen unicycling the pavements, it makes me unique, right? And once I've learned a few more songs, I could be a unicycling ukulele player! Ha! They won't be mocking when a casting comes up for one of those will they? Now, in the early hours of February 1st 2012,I have realised that yes, my resolutions may seem exciting and might make me a better person, but they didn't really help in either of the auditions I had in January. In the first week of the new year everything seemed dull. I was waiting to be paid for my role in 'George's Marvellous Medicine' (which went fabulously by the way, why didn't you come to see it?!?) and I'd been to the Job Centre twice to start claiming Jobseekers Allowance again. I know, glamorous, right?!?! So when I saw a job for entertainers at a theme park for the summer, I sent my application in straight away, no messing. What could be better than spending your day doing a kids show outdoors for 20 minutes, 4 times a day? The pay, that's what! The money was fantastic, I wanted it. The next day, I was walking back from town in the morning, after my first swim of 2012 (Resolution number 4, lose weight properly) when my phone rang, and within 2 minutes I had arranged a time for an audition. I was off to Legoland!! Yesss! Later in the day I was emailed a script to learn, along with information to take a speech suitable for a family audience, and to wear clothing suitable for a dance audition. Easy. I planned my journey as well as I could, booked my train ticket online and counted down the hours til I made my way to Windsor. Saturday rolled around. I had chosen the latest audition slot as I had an epic journey to make. It would take me 2.5 hours to get to Windsor, including dodging people in the centre of London and navigating my way through the tube network. But I had planned it, it was going to be fine. I got my train to London, no problem. I even managed to stay awake on that one! Next, London Underground. As evry pretentious actor does, I had my Equity diary in my bag so I could double check my tubular route. No, I wasn't getting it out to wave around and show that I was an actor, I just really panic that I'm going to screw up my travel, hence planning days in advance. Despite having my map in hand and knowing in my head which lines to take (steady...) I decided that I hadn't planned correctly and ran through corridors convinced I was wrong before changing my mind and going back to my original location, and nearly missing my connecting train. Knob. My next train took me from Paddington to Slough, a place I did not enjoy, and the final leg was Slough to Windsor. Much better. I arrived in Windsor 90 minutes before my audition time so I had time to use the ladies before making the journey to Legoland. What? It was a long trip! As pretty as Windsor was, the sensible Natty in my head decided that sightseeing could wait til after the audition. Well, nearly. As I made my way out of the shopping arcade, I tried my best to take a photo of Windsor Castle, trying not to look like a sad lonely tourist while navigating myself towards the nearest taxi rank. I couldn't see any bus stops so I hopped in a cab and made a mental note to memorise the route so that I could walk back.

It didn't take long to get to the park (although I was slightly concerned that the taxi driver was going in the opposite direction to all the Legoland signs, but what did I know??)and as I was still an hour early, I asked him to drop me at the main gate and I'd walk into the park. If you have ever been to Legoland you will know that this was a silly mistake. I walked down a small slope, past the new Lego hotel (still undergoing construction) and followed the path round through some trees, to be faced with a giant hill. You must remember that this is only a couple of weeks after Christmas so my fitness levels aren't at their peak. I huffed and puffed my way up that mountain as if my life depended on it! Blimey!

In the email that I had been sent, I was told to report to the security hut. For the life of me I couldn't find it, so I ended up walking into the park through the big exciting Lego gates and stumbled into the 'Annual Pass' office to ask for help. It turned out that I had walked past it on my epic journey. Brilliant. Thankfully it wasn't down the mountain again, and I found the 'mansion' (yes, it was really called that) where the auditions were taking place. I was the first to arrive from my group, and as I sat down to fill in another application, I had a sneaky peek at the other girls practising the dance for the audition. It didn't look too bad. I felt good. More girls arrived from my group and soon enough we were ushered in to another room where we were taught the 'Pirates of Skeleton Bay' dance by a woman dressed head to toe in pink velour. The dance was incredibly basic, and at least half of it was clapping to the beat. However, most of the girls in my group seemed to be having issues with it. Surely I had this in the bag! My show face was on, I had every move down, I was feeling fabulous! We all moved back to the waiting area and waited for our turn to go in. I was asked if I wanted to go in first as I was the first to arrive. I politely delcined and said that my train home was hous away yet, I had plenty of time to kill. Liar. I ALWAYS end up going first in auditions. This makes the pressure even more intense in my opinion. You're setting the standard for the whole thing, I just didn't want that pressure today thank you very much. I ended up going in third, they forced me to go in! On the whole I was genuinely 99% happy with what I did in the audition. I had to really concentrate on what the panel people were saying as I was getting slightly distracted by the fantastic Lego sculptures in the room! First was the pirate dance, nailed it. Show face was glued on, I put my all into it. Next stage, question time. I could barely answer their questions as I was so out of breath from dance exhaustion but I made it through without making myself sound like an idiot or a paedophile. Next came my speech, fabulous. And the final stage, the scene. I was an amazing pirate! Having heard people before me having to do at least one thing again in their audition, I was feeling chuffed that I only had to do each of mine once, and came out of the room bouncing up and down in sheer delight. Thankfully I was given a lift back to the main gate with another auditionee, and after about 30 minutes, we were joined by 2 other hopefuls and we all hopped on the bus back to Windsor, chatting about auditions, who we knew and did the whole "Ohmygodyou'reawesomehopeyoudowellhopeIseeyouagain" spiel that all actors do at auditions. I couldn't wait to say goodbye. I got back on my train and basked in the sunlight in my window seat feeling positive. Clearly from the title of this blog post you will have worked out that I didn't get the job. I recieved a rejection letter exactly one week later. I've never received a rejection letter before, I usually don't get contacted at all. So sadly I folded the letter up and put it back into the envelope along with all my plans and dreams for an exciting summer as Georgie the Pirate. Sigh. Please note, I have recently seen on the casting website where I found the job, that it has been given to a girl who played the part last year. What was the frickin' point of the auditions then?? Idiots. And so we come to audition number two. This was for a short film. It didn't really grab me as a "Hey, this job is really cool, apply!!!" sort of job, but I needed something to put in my Jobseekers book so I went for it. i received a phone call later that day asking me if I was free on the Saturday, as that was the potential audition date. Once I had confirmed my availability, I was told that they would be in touch within the next two days. I received an email on Friday night informing me of the location and time. I went home, checked my journey(!) and went to sleep. There was nothing to prepare in advance. I woke up on the Saturday morn, made my way to the train station, purchased my ticket (begrudgingly, as my Young Person's Railcard had expired a few days before) and began to make my way to the platform when I saw a friend who was going the same way as me. I waited for her to get her ticket (with her railcard...) and then we were on our jolly way. I was glad that she was there as chatting nonsense helped to get rid of my nerves that had been accumulating during the morning. I haven't done much film stuff so I was terrified. We parted ways at Leicester and got on our separate trains, and I headed for Melton Mowbray, home of Stilton Cheese. don't believe me? Here's the proof!!

I had Google mapped the route I would have to take to get to the location, and again I was early so I though I would walk it. With the map route firmly imprinted on my brain I started walking in what I thought was the right direction. Turned out, I was wrong! There was an hour to go, I had wasted half an hour going in the wrong direction! My trusty BlackBerry maps helped to get me back on course and I speedily arrived at the audition location. It wasn't what I was expecting. Firstly the road didn't seem the friendliest, and neither did the people walking along it. The location itself was a house. An overgrown, dilapidated house. I wasn't going in there alone! I knew I had the correct road as there were shops nearby that I had definitely seen on Google Street View. I was scared. And I needed the ladies. I had passed a public toilet on the way so I made me way back towards the town and paid 30p for the priveledge of doing what nature intended. It was only after my outrageously priced tinkle that I noticed a Wetherspoons direectly opposite. Idiot. I walked back to the audition house and decided that I would keep a safe distance from the house and watch to see if any other potential auditionees turned up and went in. I waited from 1.40 to 2pm (the time of the audition) and no-one turned up. At around 1.50pm, a girl who I can only describe as a chav was standing around by the house with a carrier bag in one hand and a cigarette in the other. I could see her staring at me for the whole ten minutes. There was no way I was going anywhere near her. With the thoughts of being murdered in some dodgy looking house running through my head I decided enough was enough and I was going home. A wasted journey, yes, and I paid to pee, but I live to blog another day. Here's to the next audition! Nxxx