A-Z of Acting: V is for...

Victory and Violence!

I've enjoyed this week immensely! I have had a glorious six solid days of acting, and it has been wonderful. Today however, I've been at my normal person job and I've been sulking! But we'll get to that later!

I've just realised that being on the letter V this week means I'm almost at the end of the alphabet. I worked out that my final blog post in the alphabet game falls on the week that Much Ado comes to an end, and I'm really not ready for that to happen. Sob.

But back to this week. I headed over to Bedford on Monday morning for a nice full day of rehearsals, and Jacob persuaded me to go for a cheeky Nando's at lunchtime before we attempted a full run of the show. It was glorious! I'd also taken along some rehearsal props as we had just been miming quite a lot of actions and I was getting concerned that I wouldn't cope when it finally came to using real props and I'd ruin the whole show!

The day got even better in the afternoon when Jonathan, our Don John arrived and brought with him the boys costumes. I casually made my way indoors when they were all trying on different bits and pieces, and what a beautiful sight it was! I had my own little fleet of army boys, fabulous! Suddenly I was feeling much happier about the whole play! Beautiful boys in uniform, thank you Mrs Director! ;)

Tuesday arrived, and a rehearsal at another venue, Stanwick Lakes was on the cards. Like last week, we had to work out all of our entrances and exits as we were in another completely different space. We also had the arrival of our gazebo, which we will be using as our dressing room at a couple of venues. Our teamwork skills were put to the test as we attempted to erect it for the first time, and with the smallest amount of fuss, we did it! Who knew actors could be so versatile?!? For the second day running we had beautiful sunshine, it was a good day! We made our way back to Bedford to rehearse in the afternoon, and worked through a few scenes before we left for home.

It was back to Bedford on Wednesday and rehearsals were back at Castle Mound. For the second time we were spotted on CCTV and this time, people were sent to ask us what was happening. We had a table of bottles of alcohol, and also with there being some rough actions taking place, we were seen as some sort of vagabonds! We talked them out of getting us into trouble by giving them a flyer for the show and smooth talking them around and all was well. As Castle Mound is a public place, again we had a few people watching us. Two girls sat at the side of our performance area quite enthralled, especially when Jacob was acting(!), and two groups of youths seemed to show quite a bit of interest too. I'm probably sterotyping like a mad woman, but they didn't seem like the sort of people who would take any interest at all. They were there sitting on the grass smoking weed, playing their music and having a good time doing what they were doing, but whenever we get near them we could hear them talking about what we were doing... "Well those two are obviously the leads, and that bloke has just killed her..." It was fabulous! I'm hoping they buy tickets!

Thursday rolled around, and we were rehearsing in our first performance venue, the beautiful Hinwick House. It wasn't as far for me to travel to, only about half the distance to Bedford, but I had no idea that it was even there. It was stunning. We got everything set up, got into costume, and were ready to go before we were moved around due to photographers being present. Apparently the house is going up for sale and photographs were needed, and it was going to be too much effort to photoshop a group of actors out of the shots! After they had finished, we reclaimed our spot in the garden and had a jolly dress rehearsal. For a first attempt it went very well indeed, I was quite chuffed. We made our way to the room we were using as our temporary dressing room for the day to receive final notes. I hadn't been getting many notes which can be a good thing or a bad thing. I was just bumbling along hoping for the best. One glorious note was "wedding scene, amazing!" which was a good start, and then to hear "Natalie, brilliant. You're just breaking my heart...." was the icing on top of a beautiful cake! Finally I had received a compliment, I was absolutely buzzing!
We were let home early to have a good rest before Friday's final dress and first performance!

As usual, I arrived early to rehearsal, and was surprised to see a few of the cast in the car park. I was completely oblivious as to why until I finished parking the car. Jacob's car bonnet was up in the air, and then I noticed that it was covered in grass and mud. He had had an accident about half a mile away trying to avoid an animal in the road, and the roads were covered in rain. It sounded like quite an ordeal, but he was fine, it was just the car that wasn't in the best shape. I stayed with him while he was on the phone to various insurance people, and his parents, and helped him to transfer all of his stuff into my car boot.

I rarely know what to say to people when something like that happens, and that day was no exception, I just did what I could and kept my mouth shut. Even though the accident was nothing to do with me, I felt really shaken up. It took me right back to when I did a play a few years ago that was about a real car crash that had happened in Leicester. It also happened on a country road, but it was a car full of teenagers and one of them died, with another having her arm amputated. The play was incredibly powerful, but left me completely drained by the end of the run. One of the girls who was in the crash came to see it, and seeing her made me burst into tears. I know that I haven't known Jacob long, but knowing that these things can happen and that it could have been a lot worse really freaked me out. I'd like to think that we've become friends and thinking the worst made me feel horrible. He was a bit shaken, but like the trooper that he is, we carried on with the dress rehearsal.

My emotions were secretly all over the place by the time we did the run. I obviously didn't want to tell Jacob my worries about him as he had enough to think about himself, but by the time we got to our big emotional scene together, I was a complete wreck, my tears were genuine! I drove us to get some food after the run, before the first performance and felt a lot better knowing that we were all still together and ready to go on. We got back to the house, set up, and the rain began to fall. I couldn't believe it. We had had such beautiful weather all week, and for our first show, it was horrible! Thankfully the audience didn't seem to mind too much. They rolled up with their picnics, waterproofs and umbrellas, ready for whatever we had to throw at them.

Luckily the rain only stayed for about 20 minutes, but five of us still had to endure rolling around on the grass getting soggy! I wasn't overly pleased with my performance that night, I felt that I got a bit overexcited by seeing audience in, but it seemed to go very well. And considering the rain, we had a fairly decent turnout. I couldn't wait for Saturday! I had to wait to go home as Jacob's parents were coming to collect him, and I had all of his stuff still in my car. It was still quite light when I eventually hit the road, but I drove home at a snails pace, terrified that I would end up in a ditch too. I made it back in one piece and went to bed with a smile on my face after putting my lovely opening night flowers from Jonathan in a vase, aaw! So sweet!

I would have absolutely loved a lie-in on Saturday morning, but I woke up with the lark and couldn't get back to sleep again. I pottered about for a bit before getting dressed and deciding to watch Les Miserables. What a mistake that was. I was a sobbing wreck! I cried more watching that yesterday than I did in the cinema! I think I was overtired!! Despite the lengthy film, I still had a while to go before my first destination of the day. It was my cousin Katie's birthday party. Like me, she is the ripe old age of twenty-something, but that didn't stop her having a bouncy castle! :) I arrived early as I wouldn't be staying long, and met my cousin Catherine's daughter Lilia for the first time. I think she's about 3, but they live near Birmingham so we don't get to see much of them. We bonded on the bouncy castle and snacked at the buffet together and had a jolly time. I quickly realised that late twenty-somethings shouldn't go on bouncy castles any more. I was absolutely shattered! I didn't know how I was going to go on!

I said my goodbyes and made my way over to Hinwick again, ready for our second show. I did a few warm-ups before we were banished to our dressing room with the audience arriving (half an hour before gates opened, grrr!)and I watched anxiously for an old friend to arrive. I haven't seen him for many a year, but he came to watch as it is his favourite Shakespeare play. I was very excited to see him, but having someone in the audience that I know made me more nervous than I was for opening night! For me, the performance went a lot better than it had done the previous night. The sun shone down beautifully and things were going gloriously until the wedding scene.

No matter how much you rehearse something, things can always go wrong, and accidents happen, and during the wedding I got punched in the face! Thankfully I was supposed to be in a hysterical state so I managed to use the pain to my advantage, but my god did it hurt!! It was Jacob who clocked me, but he wasn't aware that he had done it. It's happened to me before though, I've properly hit someone without knowing, you just get so involved in the scene that you're not fully aware of what's happened. It only hurt for a while, and thankfully I didn't wake up with a black eye so he is forgiven!

I hastily dressed and gathered all of my stuff together before racing out to see my friend. He and his girlfriend said that they loved it, which made me very happy indeed! I hope they send lots more people along! Most of us trundled along to the nearest pub after the show for cast drinks and had a nice little natter which was lovely. I love being around creative people, and as barely any of my friends do this for a living, it was nice to talk about things and have people understand exactly what each other are going through.

I didn't want to say goodbye, as I knew that I would be home soon, and it would be straight to bed and up early for normal person job in the morning. And what an effort it was today. Getting up wasn't too bad, I thankfully didn't wake up before my alarm, and walking in to work was alright, I just got a couple of hours into my shift when I realised that I wouldn't be performing tonight and I got a huge ball of sadness in my stomach and I went into a bit of a sulk on the rollercoaster! One lady tried to get her daughter onto the ride despite her being ridiculously too short to ride it. Despite her pleas that she had already been on it, I was having none of it and was quite abrupt with her, especially when she wanted to leave her child alone with me while she rode the ride herself. No! I did feel quite guilty afterwards but if I wasn't allowed to have fun then neither was she!

I've been bumbling along with acting for a while now, but today made me realise just how much I need it. I had six wonderful days working with talented people this week, and going back to working the rollercoaster pained me so much that I didn't know what to do with myself. At least I know now that however tough it gets, I have to keep going with acting. It's the only thing that makes me genuinely happy and I can't imagine my life without it.

Like I said earlier, Much Ado will all be over in four weeks time and I'm really not ready to let it go. I'm going to have to trawl the casting websites for the rest of the evening I think.

I still haven't had any agents wanting me on their books, it looks like I'm going to have to work my arse off to get stuff on my own for a bit longer. Watch this space...

Nxxx

A-Z of Acting: U is for...

Understanding.

*WARNING* This blog post contains plot spoilers of Much Ado About Nothing. Please leave if you do not wish to ruin the experience of coming to watch us! ;)


Last week was a week of ups and downs. We started our last final push of rehearsals as we rapidly approach performances.

It started off very well. We began our week at one of our venues, Tofte Manor. It is absolutely stunning. Words can't explain how pretty it is, you'll have to take my word for it.

We had been working on various scenes, and once the afternoon rolled around, we set out to do a full run of the play. This is where outdoor performances get interesting. During rehearsals, you get used to rehearsing in a certain space, and then when you get to venues, everything changes. Every location has different exits and entrances, and everything has to be adapted to fit where you are. I'm going to be honest and say that I didn't know my cues for my entrances so I pretty much winged the whole thing, but on the whole, for a first go, it was pretty good! The location set itself up for some brilliant staging and we were all very happy indeed!

Thursday arrived, and we made our way to another venue, Castle Mound in Bedford. Again, everything had to be altered to fit the venue, but we did quite well to adapt. Hey, we're actors, all the world's a stage! Castle Mound is a public area, so anyone can walk up and have a nose around. We had one gentleman who stayed to watch for about half an hour, a couple of American tourists had a look, and then we were invaded by what I can only describe as a gang of youths! You know the sort, the ones that hang about playing music from their phones doing nothing. They had a few glances over at the folk who were talking in a strange language but didn't seem that interested. The boss of the company decided that she would go over and give them a flyer, I was slightly fearful for her life but they all immediately turned very polite and showed some interest after all!

Unfortunately we got rained away from the mound, but the rest of the day was still productive. The same happened on Friday, starting at the venue, but eventually being made to scurry away back to the safe haven of the theatre. Which is where it all went pear shaped for me. We worked on the ending of the play. Here come the plot spoilers. My character, Hero, has been shamed on her wedding day, with almost all of the men calling her a whore, and acusing her of infidelity. The are led to believe that Hero has died upon this happening to her, and it is agreed that as punishment, Claudio, her betrothed, should marry Hero's cousin, who he will not see before the wedding. Pretty much like blind date, but with wedding rings! Anyway, obviously, it turns out to be Hero under the veil, she takes him back and they get married. The ending of the play has always annoyed me, how she just accepts it, and we were trying to work out how it wouldn't be a ridiculous end. We came to the conclusion that she should be angry with Claudio. But I just couldn't do it! She is such a sad sap throughout the whole play, and to then try and turn and get angry at him was really hard.

I just couldn't understand her at all. It was incredibly frustrating, and despite eveyone's good intentions of giving me ideas to help me out, I was on the verge of tears with annoyance at myself. We eventually got something that was passable for the day, I just had to go home and think about it. The last thing we did on Friday was the first wedding scene, where Hero gets it in the neck.

And what a rollercoaster ride that scene is! Jacob, who plays Claudio was absolutely amazing in that scene. He just kept going for me, yelling right in my face and being really nasty that I was crying! I really enjoy that scene. Hero and Claudio are such dull fools, that when it all kicks off, it's really exciting!

However, the stress of rehearsing the previous scene, mixed with the crying in the wedding scene made me feel so drained. I hadn't slept well the past couple of nights either so I waas completely gone. Thankfully I had a dance rehearsal that night, and it cheered me up to see my girls and getting to be silly for a while. Especially when we dressed up as punks and ran around the town. But that's another story...

I was back in Bedford on Saturday morning, just the girls, and we worked on a scene that we had never been happy with, and managed to get something quite good involving peanuts!! You'll have to come and watch to find out what that's all about! It was a much better rehearsal, and it got me away from working my normal person job too, bonus!

I'm still struggling with the end of the play, but I'll get there. I've been playing the clown characters for so long, that to now be playing the 'pretty one' is proving to be much more difficult than I thought. Oh well, I've got three and a half days to the first performance, that's plenty of time... isn't it?!? Gulp!

Nxxx

A-Z of Acting: T is for...

Theatre.

Yes, theatre. My first love, sigh. I had another two rehearsals for Much Ado this week, Monday and Friday. I was so excited to be heading back on Monday, but I only ended up being there for 90 minutes. Don't get me wrong, it was a good 90 minutes, full of giggling and mirth, but I wanted more!

Unfortunately, some people weren't available for rehearsals so there was only a limited amount of work that we could do with the cast members present. I drove home again happy that I'd been able to flex my acting muscles for a short while, but already itching to do more.

I was slightly grumpy for the rest of the week until Friday rolled around. There were other rehearsals happening during the week, but I wasn't required for them. I felt like I was missing out and I didn't like it!

Thankfully Friday rolled around and the smile was back on my face. The tunes were banging out of my iPod, I was belting them out while cruising down the A6, life was good!

We were back rehearsing scenes that we hadn't looked at since day one of rehearsals, so it was nice to get back and see what we had come up with... And then everything changed!

It was fantastic! I've said before how I love watching things evolve throughout rehearsals, and this time I got to be part of it!
It's amazing how you think that you've done such a good job on a scene, and then someone sugegsts an idea for it that completely transforms it into something even better. We've still got the best part of two weeks to rehearse too, so I can only imagine how much better things can get!

Of course it helps that we have such a fabulous cast too, they're all so good that they just come up with things that amaze me every time! We completely transformed the opening scene from what we previously had, and now it looks amazing! It's funny, it sets the tone of the play perfectly, and it's thrown my character an interesting moment which could get the audience's brain ticking over. She is no longer quite the boring person she used to be!

I absolutely cannot wait to get back into rehearsals this week. From now on I'm involved in every single one so I won't be feeling left out any more! We're starting to rehearse in our venues now too, which is very exciting indeed! I can't wait to see them! The whole cast will be there on Wednesday so we'll be able to do a full run of the whole show. I'm beyond excited! There's so much that I haven't seen and I'll get to see it all put together for the first time. I can feel the magic in the air already!

And the best part is that we've still got so far to go! More things will change, even on the performances. That's why theatre kicks film and TV's arse. Things are never ever the same twice. Once you're on camera that's it, you'll see the same thing every time, but with theatre, you can come and watch our show all 9 times and you'll see something different every single time.

I've also been making my costume too! I bought a dress that I've had to alter, to make it longer, as Hero was looking like a bit of a floozy(!), but I've also made a wedding veil for her. I know I'm biased, but oh my goodness it's beautiful! I've put beads all around the outside and it has fabric butterflies along the bottom edge, it's perfect! I think that I've put it on and gazed at myself in the mirror every night since it's been finished so far! Oops! I just look so bridal! Haha!

I received my final call sheet last night with our final rehearsal schedule and call times for the shows which got me very excited indeed. They were all scribbled down in my diary in huge letters while I was squealing with delight!

Last night I also caught up with 'The Voice', the BBC singing talent show. Some people think badly of me for watching it but I don't care. Yes, many moons ago when it first began I used to watch X Factor, but it got out of control and I'm fed up of seeing Simon money-maker Cowell exploiting people to get his Christmas Number One. What I like about The Voice is that it really is about people's talents. You don't have the endless comedy auditions that they put on for the audience's amusement, it's people who can actually sing, and the coaches can't see what they look like. It's how it should be.

Anyway, a contestant on Saturday's show was Cleo, who used to be in a band with her sister back in the glory days of pop, called Cleopatra. She's back and is trying to carve out a solo career for herself. In her VT before her solo performance on Saturday, she said that she had been receiving and reading things about her about how she didn't deserve to be there because she'd already had her moment of fame, and people were being negative towards her.

It's not the same, but I felt that I knew where she was coming from, as I had received another agent rejection last week. I'm not beating myself up about it, and I just brushed it away and forgot about it, but I felt that we both deserved a chance. This time she's doing something different to what she'd done in the past, we're both just trying to show people what we can do.

Cleo stepped onto the stage and in my opinion, gave the best performance of the night, hands down. She was amazing. More than amazing. Phenomenal. She was up against a girl in her team who she did lose out to, (who I think is a bit overrated)and in her interview afterwards, she said that she knew that she would be going home so she made sure that she was going to go out in the best possible way. And she really did.

One of the coaches on The Voice is Jessie J, and she said something that stuck with me, so I had to go back and watch it again. She said, "There's a very very thin line between survival and giving up, and you can either be defeated and go "I'm done," or you can step forward and give a performance like that."

After all of the doubts that I've had about myself over the last few weeks, that was another thing that made me sit up and think, screw you all, this is my career, I'm bloody good at what I do. If you don't want to see it then fine, but I'm going to carry on because I love it, and one day maybe I will make it and you'll be kicking yourselves that you didn't see it sooner, and then it will be too late.

So watch out audiences, because I'm ready to kick some serious ass in these last two weeks of rehearsal, even if my character is a bit of a wet lettuce, I'll be the bloody best wet lettuce you've ever seen. Bring it on!!

Nxxx

A-Z of Acting: S is for...

Surprises, sets and, erm, snogging!


The last week and a bit was just what I needed to get my head back in the right place to be getting on with Much Ado. Fortunately I have a summer birthday, and (although it happens on the same day every year) it was perfectly timed.


Although I was insanely excited to be back in acting work again, I hadn't been too happy with the work that I was doing, so I needed a kick up the backside to get me going again.

Annoyingly, I'd volunteered to work my birthday at my normal person job, but the sun was shining, and I was working with a guy who made the day go really quickly as we had quite a lot of fun, so that was a bonus. I was then taken out by my parents for dinner! Normally my dad is the kind of man who will take us to a bog standard 2 for 1 pub, but he chose well and paid full price for everyone's meals! It seems people can change, haha!

My other half came along with us, and gave me my birthday gifts while we were all sat around the table. I won't list what I got because you'll all be jealous(!), but the first thing that he handed to me was an envelope with a piece of paper in it. He had told me that we were going out for the day, but he hadn't told me where. I opened the envelope and found out that we were going to the Warner Brothers Harry Potter Studio Tour! I almost screamed with excitement! Good job Mr Boyfriend!

Wednesday rolled around, and I was beyond excited. We went out for breakfast before driving down to Leavesden, and I was buzzing all the way. Once the tickets were in my hand I practically bounded through the doors, and was snapping away with my camera at everything in the entrance, we hadn't even got in yet!

It sounds stupid, but once the tour started, it really was magical. It begins at the doors to the Great Hall, and once I saw them, my jaw dropped, and a wave of butterflies took over me. It was like I was a child again.

The tour couldn't have been better. There were set pieces, costumes, wigs, props, everything I could have wanted. I went and knocked on the Dursley's front door in Privet Drive, got on the Knight Bus, sat in the Ford Anglia, stood outside my favourite shop in Diagon Alley (Flourish and Blotts, by the way!), it was perfect.

The other half knew that I wanted to go, as I had been moaning months before that all of my friends were going and I wasn't, but I don't think he understood what good it did me.

Being in that environment where everything around you comes together to create something beautiful is amazing. People there were surprised at how much goes into films, and although I'm no expert, I know that it's a big job. It reminded me of how much I love doing what I do, and on the way home I couldn't wait for the next day to arrive when I would be back in rehearsals. I didn't think it would have that effect on me, I thought that I'd just be another excited Harry Potter fangirl, but it just gave me that push to get my acting head back on and work hard, so that maybe one day I'll get to hang out on sets like those as an actor, rather than just a spectator.

I woke up on Thursday ready for action, but had to wait a few hours to do my stuff as I wasn't called to rehearsal until 1.30. I drove myself to Bedford belting out a load of power ballads (some days my iPod just knows how to make me happy) so I was in the best of moods when I got to the theatre.

We rehearsed the end of the play, another scene where I don't really have a great deal to say(!), but there's a few things for me to do. Of course, everything is resolved and people get their happy ever after, which is marvellous for my character after what she goes through. The lovely Jacob, who plays Claudio, decided that to show his happiness at the end, he would pick me up and spin me around. Anyone who knows me will tell you that I HATE being picked up, I know how much I weigh and I'm just terrified that I'll break the person doing the lifting. He was having none of it. Before I knew what was happening I was in the air screaming at him to put me down. The rest of the cast thought it was highly amusing. I didn't. I pleaded with them to not let it happen, but Jacob told me that I was being ridiculous, and threw me over his shoulder like a caveman and marched me round the field before I begged him to stop as I was falling out of my bra!

I didn't mind his nesxt character choice so much, as it involved a cheeky snog, haha! That was also another reminder of why I love acting so much! You can do what you want on stage and no-one gets offended because it's not real, and it's work, that I get paid for! What other job is there where you can say that?!?

Saturday's rehearsal was pretty much the same too, I only had one line to say in the scenes that we rehearsed, and it involved another kiss. We've been joking around saying what dull characters Hero and Claudio are, but to be fair, they seem to be having fun in this play! Haha! Jacob joked around asking when my other half was coming to watch as he was going to crank it up and make him worried... there might be fisticuffs at dawn!! Ha!

My week had been perfect, lots of surprises from my man, including the trip that had got me back in the right place, and a couple of bloody good rehearsals. I'm back, I'm happy, and I'm ready to go!

Nxxx

A-Z of Acting. R is for...

Rehearsals.

So, last week saw me heading back to glorious Bedford for the start of rehearsals for 'Much Ado About Nothing'. I was beyond excited. It felt like I hadn't done any acting for years and I couldn't wait to get back in the saddle and act my socks off.

But there was also an underlying terror luring inside me. I was really struggling with my character. Despite being classed as one of the main four characters, she barely speaks, and spends most of her time mooning over a bloke and doing what daddy tells her to. I was finding it difficult to get my head around her, but I hoped everything would be ok.

I arrived bright and early and found one fellow cast member outside, we made our way to the rehearsal space and began chatting before I heard the doorbell ring, and rushed out to let the next one in. It was Jacob, who is playing Claudio, my characters love interest. The first thing I thought was 'Oh my, you're very tall!' He's practically a giant!

As more people filtered in, myself and Jacob began doing some bonding exercises to get to know each other better so that our onstage relationship wouldn't look awkward. We did a few exercises and got chatting and he was lovely! He was ridiculously easy to get on with, one of those people that you instantly take a liking to. Huzzah!

The fear of God was put into me later on when the word 'improvisation' was thrown my way. Despite our characters falling in love etc, they only have about ten lines to each other throughout the whole play! This called for improvisation, at which point I freaked out. I really don't know what was wrong with me, I do improvisations all the time in murder mysteries but somehow I felt that I was out of my depth and I started to really panic.

Thankfully we got it out of the way quite quickly, and more people arrived in the afternoon for the first cast read-through of the script. It was so nice to be together to get an idea of how the play would sound and my nerves disappeared for an hour at least.

After the read-through we started work on my wedding scene. Of course, with Shakespeare, things don't go to plan for the good guys, and this wedding is no exception. The work we did on it was fabulous. People were shouting in my face, and the way people ended up standing around me really made me feel terrified!

At one point, Jacob had his face pressed right against mine, and had so much venom in the way he was speaking to me that I really thought he was either going to kill me or rip all of my clothes off! And I loved it! Haha! I needed to have a sit down afterwards!

He is ridiculously talented. He's just graduated from drama school and seems so fearless. I remember being like that when I graduated, and got the first four jobs that I auditioned for. I felt invincible. Now, I feel like I've been battered down by the cruelty of the acting world and I'm fighting to be seen. Ugh.

Day two brought with it so much laughter. I was called for the whole day, but as a virtual mute, I only had one line to say! I spent a lot of time doing silent acting, and giggling at the back of the room with Jacob. I can see him getting me into touble for us both messing about too much! Oh well! Haha!

We're not rehearsing the play in order, so there's a lot of jumping about in the story as we rehearse, and I got to watch a few scenes being worked on which I absolutely love. There's something magical about watching other people rehearse and watching a scene evolve from a read-through into a fully fleshed out scene. You can actually see people changing. No matter how you picture something in your head, people constantly surprise you, and things never end up how you imagine, it's amazing!

I watched a few scenes and sat watching in awe as things progressed. I wondered if I'd be able to direct people in the future, as I loved every second of watching, but I don't think I have the brain ability to think of things myself! When I was watching, I hoped that other people thought the same things as I did while they were watching me attempt scenes, but I found it difficult to believe. I still didn't know where my nagativity was coming from, but it was starting to annoy me.

Friday rolled around, and we got out in the sunshine to rehearse! I knew I had a few scenes to rehearse that day, and on the drive in, I was getting increasingly nervous. My nerves got so bad that I started to cry! Ridiculous I know! I couldn't stop once I'd got going!

I keep trying to pin down what it is that's making me so nervous. At the moment I'm blaming it on my character. I normally get cast as the funny one, and can hide behind an obscure accent or a funny walk, but this time I have to be a normal sensible girl, with no gimmicks. I think it's thrown me. I don't know how to do normal!!

I wasn't particularly happy with how I did in rehearsals on Friday, but it's fine, we still have a few weeks to sort my head out and get to work properly. I was quite chuffed that a throwaway idea that I had to amuse myself developed into the idea for a whole scene, so I should be pleased. I just need to get rid of my niggles!

I had the weekend away from the play, mainly working my normal person job, but it was also my birthday, so I had time to forget about it, and I'm not in rehearsal now until Thursday. I'm going to spend the day tomorrow going over the twenty pages of character notes that I made, and hopefully by the time I get back into the rehearsal space, I'll have sorted my head out.

Everyone else is so good already, and I don't want to be the weak link in the play, especially when I got such good feedback from people last year. I can't let standards slip. But most of all I don't want to let everyone else down. Plays are a team effort, and if someone doesn't do their part, everything falls apart for everyone, nt just me.

Saying all of that, it is going to be fantastic show, and you should all buy tickets!! :) www.nolossproductions.co.uk is the link that you need, do the right thing!!

Nxxx