Zero. This little digit is constantly on my brain right now, and terrifying me.
I'm used to having very little money, as most of my acting work barely pays anything, and should I make any money from my acting work, it's almost immediately ploughed back in to funding my career. I was glad to have had my normal person job over the summer because I was receiving an almost decent wage, and my bank balance was looking quite healthy for a while. But I'm awful at checking my balance, and very good at spending money without paying attention to how much is going out of my account.
This morning, that zero is flashing at me like a warning sign, and I don't like it. I know things will be okay once get paid, but pay day seems a very long way away right now.
I'm hoping that the money issue is just on my mind to mask my nerves about starting my job at Thorpe Park. I'm really looking forward to it, but yet again, first day nerves are kicking in. Tomorrow is my first day of rehearsals, the day that I fear in every new job. Where they find out that I'm a fraud, can't act, and send me home.
Bank balance: 0, confidence:0
Maybe it's just because I'll be away from home again not knowing anyone. I've got too comfortable being back at home. What a wimp. I've done it before, plenty of times, but it seems that as I'm getting older, more concerns are finding their way into my brain. I think I just need a hug, or someone to hold my hand for a while.
I had my induction day on Saturday, and everyone seemed lovely, so I'm sure I'll have a good time, but I can't shift those pesky thoughts. Gulp! I feel more terrified than the customers will be in my maze!! Haha!
I need to think back to when I graduated from my acting course. I thought the world was mine, and for a while it was, I was pretty much constantly employed in acting work for four years, go me! And to be fair, I've done pretty well this year too, yes I've had to give in to normal person jobs, but thinking back on the year, I've had a 100% success rate on auditions! And have actually had to turn a well paid job down because someone saw what I can do and offered me a fantastic opportunity. That's pretty good, right?
Sometimes I do wish that I could go back to do another course somewhere. I waved goodbye to another bunch of friends off to start university last week. They were all nervous about fleeing the town, and sad to be leaving people behind (but they'll soon realise how awful our town is and won't want to come back!)
I'm not jealous of them going, I've done it all myself, but I do think it would be nice to do it all again, especially seeing all of their freshers photos popping up, even on the first night of moving there! (Yes, Georgie Crotty, I'm talking about you! Forgot about K-Town pretty quickly didn't you?!? ;) )
But maybe I should see this job as that. I'm going there with no friends, shoved into a new town, I'll be working intimately with people in a large box for a few weeks, I won't be able to escape! Yes, actors can be insanely annoying, but that's a risk I'm going to have to take. I may never see them again once the job is over, but I'm going to make the most of the job while it's there, there's no use hiding in the corner (apart from when I'm actually working!)
That zero is still on my mind, but what's the worst that could happen? I can't afford my hotel so I have to sleep in the car? So be it. Bring it on.
I'm working in the 'The Cabin in the Woods' maze, so it only seems fitting to quote the film as I end this post.
An army of monsters, huh? Let's get this party started!
Nxxx
Wednesday, 25 September 2013
Sunday, 15 September 2013
Acting by numbers... 3, the magic number?
So, after a few weeks of cryptic notes scattered throughout these blog posts, I'm finally going to reveal to you my secret project, coming this December. You lucky things!
Naturally there will be a few ramblings first, I'm not that good to you! It's been quite a productive week actually, things are moving in the right direction and I'm pretty much set now for the rest of 2013, which is good, as my normal person job is rapidly coming to an end, with either one or three shifts left.
I headed back to Bedford on Monday to catch up with the lovely (don't tell him I said that) Ivan, who I have had the pleasure of performing with on a handful of occasions. We sat in the pub, drank our afternoon away and naturally discussed jobs, the lack of, and how we're going to take over Germany. Yep, watch out! Mid-way through our shenanigans, I received a phone call from London. Not knowing many people in London Town I warily answered, but it was a job offer! Lovely. I'll be heading back to Peterborough next month to record another book for the RNIB.
The book arrived the next day and I stared at it in disbelief. The thing is huge! I'm booked in for eight days of recording. The last book I did was four days and I almost went insane doing that one, sat in a room with no windows listening to the sound of my own voice. Still, it's a challenge!!
Thankfully I'll be breaking up the days with my other job for next month, working down at Thorpe Park! Yep, I'm swapping one theme park for another! This time I'm not going to be a humble ride operator, oh no. This time I'm going to be scaring the pants off people, for fright nights!
S half of my week will be spent in a box in Peterborough, with the rest of my week spent inside a box in Surrey with people screaming at me. By the time I emerge in November I doubt I'll realise what daylight is any more. Maybe I'll get rickets!!
I'm obviously excited to be working, but it also means I get a nice bundle of cash together for when my secret project starts. Which brings us back to Monday. After Ivan had got me tipsy in the pub(!) I made my way to the lovely David's house for my first meeting and read-through.
As David was explaining things to me and telling me what would be happening, I was getting increasingly nervous and it's not even happening until December! But happening it is. I am joining David's company, Blackout Theatre Company, and travelling to Kansas City, Missouri, USA! Yep, my American acting debut is happening! I'm performing one of Alan Bennett's Talking Heads monologues, Her Big Chance. My first performance in America is a solo show. To say I'm terrified is an understatement.
I'm already starting to panic. I've got to fit rehearsals around both Thorpe Park and the audiobook, I'm going to be absolutely exhausted! I do thrive when I'm busy but I'm hoping I haven't bitten off more than I can chew!
I've spent the rest of my week in bed with the book trying to get through as much of it as I can before my Thorpe Park induction on Saturday, as from then on it's full steam ahead until mid-November. Eek.
While taking a break from reading I've also been trying to find accommodation down in Surrey for fright nights. It's proven quite tricky but I managed to book somewhere for half of my stay. It wasn't until the next day I looked on TripAdvisor and found the shockingly bad reviews. Oh we'll, I'm hoping I'll be busy enough to only have to sleep there, nothing else!
Annoyingly I've had to pay upfront for it, and my next decent pay day won't be until the end of October so it might be back to the student diet of Pot Noodle and biscuits for me next month, although my hotel room doesn't even have a kettle. The things I do for my art.
It's been a time for moving on this week too. I unexpectedly received an email from a guy I did a play with back in Bournemouth when I was studying, and he told me he had made the move to London to give acting a go up there. I was so pleased for him, I remember him being excellent in the play we did, and he told me back then that he'd like to be an actor, so I was excited to hear he'd made the move.
Today I also bade a sad farewell to four of my colleagues at my normal person job. They are all off to university, all in different years, but still, flying the nest again. It was sad to see them go. I didn't think that I'd enjoy my job as much as I have, but it's all been down to the people I've worked with. Yea, there's been a significant age gap between us, but they didn't know that for quite a while, and I've felt like I've gained a whole new group of friends.
I don't know if I'll be returning to the job next year, or if they will, but they've made my summer fun, and although there were days when I really didn't want to go to work, and was having my mini-breakdown over my acting career, they always managed to put a smile on my face. Working at a theme park can actually be fun!
It's all going to be over in a couple of weeks, but I've still got three more jobs to do before the year is out.
I'll be all over the country again, popping here and there, stretching myself thin with rehearsals and performances, but you know what? I know I won't be happier. 2012 was an amazing year for me, and I didn't think I'd top it, but 2013 is doing a pretty good job of catching up! With three and a half months left to go, who knows what could happen!
Nxxx
Naturally there will be a few ramblings first, I'm not that good to you! It's been quite a productive week actually, things are moving in the right direction and I'm pretty much set now for the rest of 2013, which is good, as my normal person job is rapidly coming to an end, with either one or three shifts left.
I headed back to Bedford on Monday to catch up with the lovely (don't tell him I said that) Ivan, who I have had the pleasure of performing with on a handful of occasions. We sat in the pub, drank our afternoon away and naturally discussed jobs, the lack of, and how we're going to take over Germany. Yep, watch out! Mid-way through our shenanigans, I received a phone call from London. Not knowing many people in London Town I warily answered, but it was a job offer! Lovely. I'll be heading back to Peterborough next month to record another book for the RNIB.
The book arrived the next day and I stared at it in disbelief. The thing is huge! I'm booked in for eight days of recording. The last book I did was four days and I almost went insane doing that one, sat in a room with no windows listening to the sound of my own voice. Still, it's a challenge!!
Thankfully I'll be breaking up the days with my other job for next month, working down at Thorpe Park! Yep, I'm swapping one theme park for another! This time I'm not going to be a humble ride operator, oh no. This time I'm going to be scaring the pants off people, for fright nights!
S half of my week will be spent in a box in Peterborough, with the rest of my week spent inside a box in Surrey with people screaming at me. By the time I emerge in November I doubt I'll realise what daylight is any more. Maybe I'll get rickets!!
I'm obviously excited to be working, but it also means I get a nice bundle of cash together for when my secret project starts. Which brings us back to Monday. After Ivan had got me tipsy in the pub(!) I made my way to the lovely David's house for my first meeting and read-through.
As David was explaining things to me and telling me what would be happening, I was getting increasingly nervous and it's not even happening until December! But happening it is. I am joining David's company, Blackout Theatre Company, and travelling to Kansas City, Missouri, USA! Yep, my American acting debut is happening! I'm performing one of Alan Bennett's Talking Heads monologues, Her Big Chance. My first performance in America is a solo show. To say I'm terrified is an understatement.
I'm already starting to panic. I've got to fit rehearsals around both Thorpe Park and the audiobook, I'm going to be absolutely exhausted! I do thrive when I'm busy but I'm hoping I haven't bitten off more than I can chew!
I've spent the rest of my week in bed with the book trying to get through as much of it as I can before my Thorpe Park induction on Saturday, as from then on it's full steam ahead until mid-November. Eek.
While taking a break from reading I've also been trying to find accommodation down in Surrey for fright nights. It's proven quite tricky but I managed to book somewhere for half of my stay. It wasn't until the next day I looked on TripAdvisor and found the shockingly bad reviews. Oh we'll, I'm hoping I'll be busy enough to only have to sleep there, nothing else!
Annoyingly I've had to pay upfront for it, and my next decent pay day won't be until the end of October so it might be back to the student diet of Pot Noodle and biscuits for me next month, although my hotel room doesn't even have a kettle. The things I do for my art.
It's been a time for moving on this week too. I unexpectedly received an email from a guy I did a play with back in Bournemouth when I was studying, and he told me he had made the move to London to give acting a go up there. I was so pleased for him, I remember him being excellent in the play we did, and he told me back then that he'd like to be an actor, so I was excited to hear he'd made the move.
Today I also bade a sad farewell to four of my colleagues at my normal person job. They are all off to university, all in different years, but still, flying the nest again. It was sad to see them go. I didn't think that I'd enjoy my job as much as I have, but it's all been down to the people I've worked with. Yea, there's been a significant age gap between us, but they didn't know that for quite a while, and I've felt like I've gained a whole new group of friends.
I don't know if I'll be returning to the job next year, or if they will, but they've made my summer fun, and although there were days when I really didn't want to go to work, and was having my mini-breakdown over my acting career, they always managed to put a smile on my face. Working at a theme park can actually be fun!
It's all going to be over in a couple of weeks, but I've still got three more jobs to do before the year is out.
I'll be all over the country again, popping here and there, stretching myself thin with rehearsals and performances, but you know what? I know I won't be happier. 2012 was an amazing year for me, and I didn't think I'd top it, but 2013 is doing a pretty good job of catching up! With three and a half months left to go, who knows what could happen!
Nxxx
Friday, 6 September 2013
Acting limbo...
Ugh. Right now I’m in actors no mans land and it’s frustrating!
I have two potential projects that would have me sorted for the rest of the year, but both are still not 100% confirmed and I’m starting to get concerned.
One is my secret project that is happening in December. Today I have had further information regarding this project so I’m not as concerned by it as I was. However, earlier this week, I had to make a decision around it that made me feel quite ill. Regular readers may remember that a couple of posts back, I had an audition for panto and got the job. I had secured the audition for this before my secret project was offered to me, but once I had found out about the secret project, I wasn’t too fussed by the audition.
This always happens to me, if I really want a job, chances are I won’t get it, but if there’s something that I’m just going along to without having many thoughts about it, I’ll get the job, no problem.
I received an email from the panto company last weekend asking if I was still interested in the job, and later that day, I had to reply to say that I wouldn’t be taking it after all. I explained fully my secret project and said that I hoped we could work together in the future.
It wasn’t until a couple of hours later that I realised my reason for not working with them was probably the most outrageous thing she had ever read as an excuse for not working for them, but it was too late.
The thought of turning down acting work initially sounded... not fun, but felt slightly good, I was in demand and had to make choices of who to work for, but as I clicked ‘send’ I felt sick. What if my secret project fell through? I had just turned down a job where I could make a nice bundle of cash ready for Christmas and the new year, for a project where I’m going to make no money at all. I know in my heart that I’ve made the right decision but it was absolutely terrifying.
I also had to turn down another audition that I had booked in for this Saturday. Well, I didn’t have to, but I didn’t think it would be worth wasting people’s time turning up for an audition for a job that I knew I wouldn’t be taking. I was gutted though, it was for panto in Sevenoaks, where if successful, I’d be working alongside Karl Kennedy from Neighbours! Who wouldn’t want that?!? Sad times.
I’m now also waiting to hear back from another audition that I had a couple of weeks ago. I didn’t have the appropriate documents to hand when I went for my audition, and was told that if successful, I would need to show them before I started the job. Fair enough. I received a message from them last week asking me to bring them down. I wondered if this was a good sign, they didn’t specify whether I had got the job or not. I emailed them a scanned copy and explained that I couldn’t get down there due to work restrictions on my normal person job. I was told that they would need to see them in the flesh, ‘once we have this we will then be able to send out your contract to you’. I saw this as a good sign, but still hadn’t been officially offered anything.
I travelled down yesterday with the things I needed, and after a prompting email from myself, received confirmation that things had been received and were with the correct department but I’m still none the wiser! I would absolutely love the job, and the cash would be a fabulous addition to my pot for my secret project, but I’d just like to know what’s going on!
Do I keep applying for acting work as I haven’t officially got anything? Do I apply for more normal person jobs that I’d only need for a month or so? I just don’t know what to do!
If people could just respond to me, that would be lovely, it’s not too much to ask is it?!?
Nxxx
I have two potential projects that would have me sorted for the rest of the year, but both are still not 100% confirmed and I’m starting to get concerned.
One is my secret project that is happening in December. Today I have had further information regarding this project so I’m not as concerned by it as I was. However, earlier this week, I had to make a decision around it that made me feel quite ill. Regular readers may remember that a couple of posts back, I had an audition for panto and got the job. I had secured the audition for this before my secret project was offered to me, but once I had found out about the secret project, I wasn’t too fussed by the audition.
This always happens to me, if I really want a job, chances are I won’t get it, but if there’s something that I’m just going along to without having many thoughts about it, I’ll get the job, no problem.
I received an email from the panto company last weekend asking if I was still interested in the job, and later that day, I had to reply to say that I wouldn’t be taking it after all. I explained fully my secret project and said that I hoped we could work together in the future.
It wasn’t until a couple of hours later that I realised my reason for not working with them was probably the most outrageous thing she had ever read as an excuse for not working for them, but it was too late.
The thought of turning down acting work initially sounded... not fun, but felt slightly good, I was in demand and had to make choices of who to work for, but as I clicked ‘send’ I felt sick. What if my secret project fell through? I had just turned down a job where I could make a nice bundle of cash ready for Christmas and the new year, for a project where I’m going to make no money at all. I know in my heart that I’ve made the right decision but it was absolutely terrifying.
I also had to turn down another audition that I had booked in for this Saturday. Well, I didn’t have to, but I didn’t think it would be worth wasting people’s time turning up for an audition for a job that I knew I wouldn’t be taking. I was gutted though, it was for panto in Sevenoaks, where if successful, I’d be working alongside Karl Kennedy from Neighbours! Who wouldn’t want that?!? Sad times.
I’m now also waiting to hear back from another audition that I had a couple of weeks ago. I didn’t have the appropriate documents to hand when I went for my audition, and was told that if successful, I would need to show them before I started the job. Fair enough. I received a message from them last week asking me to bring them down. I wondered if this was a good sign, they didn’t specify whether I had got the job or not. I emailed them a scanned copy and explained that I couldn’t get down there due to work restrictions on my normal person job. I was told that they would need to see them in the flesh, ‘once we have this we will then be able to send out your contract to you’. I saw this as a good sign, but still hadn’t been officially offered anything.
I travelled down yesterday with the things I needed, and after a prompting email from myself, received confirmation that things had been received and were with the correct department but I’m still none the wiser! I would absolutely love the job, and the cash would be a fabulous addition to my pot for my secret project, but I’d just like to know what’s going on!
Do I keep applying for acting work as I haven’t officially got anything? Do I apply for more normal person jobs that I’d only need for a month or so? I just don’t know what to do!
If people could just respond to me, that would be lovely, it’s not too much to ask is it?!?
Nxxx
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