Acting by numbers... 0

Zero. This little digit is constantly on my brain right now, and terrifying me.

I'm used to having very little money, as most of my acting work barely pays anything, and should I make any money from my acting work, it's almost immediately ploughed back in to funding my career. I was glad to have had my normal person job over the summer because I was receiving an almost decent wage, and my bank balance was looking quite healthy for a while. But I'm awful at checking my balance, and very good at spending money without paying attention to how much is going out of my account.

This morning, that zero is flashing at me like a warning sign, and I don't like it. I know things will be okay once get paid, but pay day seems a very long way away right now.

I'm hoping that the money issue is just on my mind to mask my nerves about starting my job at Thorpe Park. I'm really looking forward to it, but yet again, first day nerves are kicking in. Tomorrow is my first day of rehearsals, the day that I fear in every new job. Where they find out that I'm a fraud, can't act, and send me home.

Bank balance: 0, confidence:0

Maybe it's just because I'll be away from home again not knowing anyone. I've got too comfortable being back at home. What a wimp. I've done it before, plenty of times, but it seems that as I'm getting older, more concerns are finding their way into my brain. I think I just need a hug, or someone to hold my hand for a while.

I had my induction day on Saturday, and everyone seemed lovely, so I'm sure I'll have a good time, but I can't shift those pesky thoughts. Gulp! I feel more terrified than the customers will be in my maze!! Haha!

I need to think back to when I graduated from my acting course. I thought the world was mine, and for a while it was, I was pretty much constantly employed in acting work for four years, go me! And to be fair, I've done pretty well this year too, yes I've had to give in to normal person jobs, but thinking back on the year, I've had a 100% success rate on auditions! And have actually had to turn a well paid job down because someone saw what I can do and offered me a fantastic opportunity. That's pretty good, right?


Sometimes I do wish that I could go back to do another course somewhere. I waved goodbye to another bunch of friends off to start university last week. They were all nervous about fleeing the town, and sad to be leaving people behind (but they'll soon realise how awful our town is and won't want to come back!)

I'm not jealous of them going, I've done it all myself, but I do think it would be nice to do it all again, especially seeing all of their freshers photos popping up, even on the first night of moving there! (Yes, Georgie Crotty, I'm talking about you! Forgot about K-Town pretty quickly didn't you?!? ;) )


But maybe I should see this job as that. I'm going there with no friends, shoved into a new town, I'll be working intimately with people in a large box for a few weeks, I won't be able to escape! Yes, actors can be insanely annoying, but that's a risk I'm going to have to take. I may never see them again once the job is over, but I'm going to make the most of the job while it's there, there's no use hiding in the corner (apart from when I'm actually working!)

That zero is still on my mind, but what's the worst that could happen? I can't afford my hotel so I have to sleep in the car? So be it. Bring it on.

I'm working in the 'The Cabin in the Woods' maze, so it only seems fitting to quote the film as I end this post.

An army of monsters, huh? Let's get this party started!

Nxxx