It's been another rollercoaster week, and one that has flown by in an instant...
As well as working various normal person jobs, I was chained to my printer as I put together 40-something scripts for my 'Peter Pan' cast. Yep, Friday saw the big reveal of casting, and I wasn't looking forward to it one little bit. I'd been working all day and was exhausted, was already running behind schedule by 9.20am due to snow, and a sense of doom had been hanging over my head for several days.
In my (fairly non-existent) acting career, I try to forget about an audition as soon as possible. The chances are that I won't get the job. It's not me being pessimistic, I just know how competitive it is, and any yes is just a bonus in the ridiculous world of acting that I have chosen to be a part of. But being on the other side of the table is another matter altogether. I had made the casting decisions all by myself, and I was the only person who knew the entirety of the cast list as I was announcing it.
I knew that with a cast of over 50 who all competed for the same 6 roles, there would be disappointment. I tried to get it over and done with as quickly as I could. There were some lovely reactions, and most of the cast were extremely supportive of others, even when they were clearly disappointed when the role that they wanted went to someone else. And this time around, my casting only made one person cry, so that was an achievement.
Of course the backlash arrived later on in the evening and I had to bite my tongue behind the safety of my computer screen, but that's just the way it goes. I couldn't write 40 main characters in the play or we'd still be performing the thing a year from now. Next time I'm hiring someone else to do the casting, I might go on holiday for a while and then just come back when it's sorted! ;)
But at least I'd had one good day during the week. On Thursday, the editing of 'Second Star To The Right' began. I was determined to have the script completed by Saturday, but I didn't know what a mammoth task lay before us. We met at 11.30am (in a pub!), and settled down with our computers to begin the task. I was so unbelievably nervous. I knew that I couldn't be too protective over what I had written. This was a team effort, and we were allowed to rip each others words to pieces safe in the knowledge that it was for the good of the play. We had read each others half of the script and had told each other that we had loved it, and now it was time to get serious and say it like it really was.
The first two scenes were mine. I took a deep breath and prepared for the honest truth. And it turned out to be absolutely fine! For six hours we managed to storm through the whole play, editing like crazy and laughing all the way through. There were moments when we mocked each others wording, (mostly mine), cringed at awkward moments that definitely should never have been written (Tiger-Lily and her redskins running off to start a pop band- ouch!), and falling in love with expertly constructed lines that made us smile, cry and say "ooh"! I don't know why I was so nervous about it! Of course, people still might hate it when they watch it, but we were incredibly happy with it. After six hours, we had to call it a day. My brain had definitely given up, and with so many more things to add in after cruelly cutting 800 words from draft 1, we needed time away from it to think things over.
Of course, being obsessed with it, I was still looking over it at night, and in my absolute horror, I realised something terrible. I had missed someone off the cast list, meaning that not only did we still have so much work to do, we now had to do extra, as we had to create another new character. Oops!
Saturday arrived, and I was so excited! I was finally going to be Elsa from Frozen for a birthday party! It was such a fun afternoon. I rocked the pink eyeshadow, my dress looked amazing, and the kids absolutely loved me! They didn't want to do any activities that I tried to do with them, they just wanted to talk to me and make snow from polystyrene, but that was fine with me!
After a quick exit and race back home, it was time to go out again, this time to Milton Keynes to an 80's party! I went with my Second Star writing partner and my goodness, we rocked our outfits! We looked so good! I had so much fun, but the morning after brought with it the knowledge that we had more script work to do. Laptops in hand, we made our way to another drinking establishment(!) and sat down for round two. Naturally, considering the fragile state of our minds, things didn't progress as well as they did on Thursday, but we still managed a fair chunk, and got so close to the finish line that we were satisfied with our afternoon's work.
And then came today. Audition day number two. Sequel day. This one was a more relaxed affair, we had two hours to audition 24 actors, rather than my 43 in an hour that I did two weeks ago. Again, everyone was so good that it made it really difficult to cast, but we made our decisions right there and then, and almost everyone was happy with their roles. Result!
I'd been in a sad mood all day, but at least with casting done, that was another load off my mind.
We still have more work to do on the script, I should be writing it right now, but it's 1.30am and I'm taking a break because I'm annoyed that I can't think of happy thoughts to get John and Michael to Neverland. I'll probably end up pulling an all-nighter again,, as I still have a lesson plan and script to write for my Corby class in 14.5 hours!
I know it's my own fault for not being able to think of happy thoughts because I've not been happy all day.
I'm having one of my "what am I doing?" moments and it sucks. It all boils down to the weekend. We had decided to come up with a story to anyone new that we met at the party about what we did for a living. It was a funny idea, but I clearly forgot everything about it once we got out as I told everyone that I was a drama teacher. I didn't know that I'd said that until I was told the next morning, but since then it has been playing on my mind. I was so angry with myself for saying it. Acting comes first, it always has, and I felt that by telling people that I was a teacher, I'd given up, and it really upset me. Of course I like doing it, I'd quit if I hated it, but it's not number one. Acting is the only thing in the world that truly makes me happy, and as I'm not doing any of it, I'm not happy, and I don't want to be miserable. I see people that I've acted with in the past doing wonderful things and I feel like I'm getting left behind. Without wanting to sound big headed, I know that I'm good, and I don't want to never act again. I've only had one audition this year so far, and that was my self-taped abomination that I never heard back from, so things aren't looking great. I spent a lot of time being really upset about it today, and not knowing what on earth I'm going to do next.
Before writing this post I applied for three very different acting jobs, all of which would be amazing, but of course there's no guarantee that anyone will even want to audition me. It's a cruel, cruel world. I just wish I was good at something else and then I might have a chance of achieving something.
But tomorrow is back to normal person work, saving up money that won't be going to me, because yet again I'm putting other people before myself. I know deep down that it's for all the right reasons, but my goodness I'd love a holiday. Just one week away from everything in the blazing sunshine would be glorious. As it is, I'd be lucky to be able to afford a day in Great Yarmouth this year!
Wow, that got depressing quite quickly! I do apologise! Hopefully next week will bring you something brighter! Anyway, 1.45am, I've got work to do! Night!
Nxxx
PS, Natalie's Nugget- Today my Jolly Roger flag arrived. It is so huge that I wore it as a dress around the house for about ten minutes.
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