Opportunities.
I'm not going to lie, right now I'm writing this at 4.10pm and I'm still in my pyjamas with yesterdays make-up smudged all over my face and I really need a shower. Unfortunately this isn't the first time that this has happened in my life.
You see, acting isn't all it's cracked up to be on days like this. And there are plenty of days just like this. For the majority of the year, many actors aren't working acting jobs. They're either working their normal person jobs, or sitting at laptops or on tablets trawling the internet for castings and auditions, and trying to get themselves noticed.
But some days you just need to sit in your pyjamas, watch re-runs of 'Friends', eat a smoked salmon sandwich and watch the rain! And then prepare yourself to create new opportunities for yourself. Unless you've got a pretty amazing agent, or you're one of the Hollywood elite, you have to create every opportunity for yourself.
Last week I received my new headshots which I am very pleased with, so now I feel re-energised and ready to put my new face photos out there to try and get myself said amazing agent, to hopefully get further than the jobs I currently do.
I've felt like I've been stuck in a rut for a while now and it's time to try and get myself out of it, and my headshots were the push I needed. For the past year, yes I have been working, but it's been with mostly the same people. Don't get me wrong, I'm incredibly grateful to have been asked to work with them all, and I've learned things from every single job that I've done, but there comes a time when you start to wonder what else there is and you want to push yourself so much further.
I met up with my lovely friend Christine last week (hello Christine, I know you're reading this, sorry it's a few days late!). I worked on a play with Christine a few years ago in Leicester and we have continued to stay in touch, meet up, and she's even come to see me in several shows. We spent the afternoon wandering around Leicester, and had a nice lunch, and chatted lots about working. I was moaning about my normal person job (as usual!) when I realised that I shouldn't be! Christine told me that she had pointed someone else in the direction of this blog to read as an insight into the industry, and said things about me being driven. Then she added in that she herself has seven jobs. Seven! I moan about having one! Now that's drive and determination right there!
Actors will do anything to try and keep in work if they're determined enough, and clearly that's proof. When I sit and think about it, how many people must she be in contact with working that many jobs? Yes, the people I've worked with keep asking me back, but I'm not getting to meet a great deal more people by going back time and time again. I need to socialise more!
Looking back, that was the biggest thing I had to learn when I first started out. I was lucky in that the first few auditions I ever had, I got all of the jobs! That was probably down to being straight out of training and believing I could take on the world, but as you get into the industry, you realise how many people there are trying to do exactly the same, and you start to get worn down, and chased by younger, prettier people who are after the same roles. You realise that not everyone is like you. I'm not being big headed but I like to think that I'm one of the nicest people I know! I love doing things for other people, it's what makes me happy! I ran a half-marathon for charity earlier in the year, yesterday I gave blood for the second time. These are good things! I'm nice!
But nice doesn't get you anywhere in acting. you have to fight people to get work, you have to be a bit of an arse. If you don't fight for yourself, you'll get walked all over and other people will take those jobs from under your nose.
There seems to be fewer and fewer acting jobs popping up at the moment which is another reason to try and create your own opportunities. I'm trying so hard to focus on writing my own things to act in but I don't think I quite have the same drive for it as I do with acting. But who knows, I may never act again unless I write myself something and cast myself in it! And I don't even know if I'm any good at writing. It seems like an easy thing to do, but unless you've got a grand plan, it's quite hard. I'm quite envious of people who find it easy. Or maybe the topic I'm writing about is just too tricky for a first play! Who knows.
Christine also got me involved in judging a dance competition which took place on Sunday. It was a fundraising event for the Red Cross. I wasn't sure what to expect as I was told that most of the groups were school dance clubs so to be honest I wasn't expecting anything spectacular, but they blew me away. Everyone was so good! There were some beautiful dancers, and I felt happy for them that they had such a good opportunity to show themselves off. It was also nice for me to meet new people too, and hopefully it might lead on to something else too.
After all I've written in this post, I've realised that I've created no opportunities for myself at all in the last few days. My script came through for 'Much Ado About Nothing' and I've just been making notes in my script for the last 2 days solid, trying to get to grips with the plot of the play, and character analysis. I've even started writing an essay on my character to try and get inside her head! Now that's doing my homework! 2 solid days and I haven't even begun to learn my lines!
I sat on the sofa yesterday, drowning in script pages and Shakespeare revision guides and started to get a bit panicked. I was struggling with why my character was such a pushover and doesn't stand up for herself. It was the first time since the Paralympics Opening Ceremony that I've started to doubt myself again. What if I'm not up to the standard of the rest of the cast? What if because I'm struggling with my character, I'm just going to be rubbish? I'm sure I'll be fine once rehearsals get underway, but little niggles have started to find their way in again and I'm not entirely sure what to do about it.
There are still two weeks until rehearsals start so hopefully I'll have found my confidence again, I'm just going to have to work very hard!
I'm off to Bedford tonight to watch 'The Merchant of Venice', so hopefully that will inspire me and give me a step in the right direction. Gulp!
I think I might need to get out of my pj's first though! ;)
Nxxx
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