Have courage and be kind...

The title of this post is a quote from the beautiful new movie adaptation of 'Cinderella', directed by one of my heroes, Mr Kenneth Branagh. As a film probably aimed at children, I thought it was a brilliant quote, and as it was said repeatedly throughout the film, and stuck in my head, I wondered and hoped that thousands of children across the world that may have watched it would also remember it, and take a lesson away from it.

I didn't think that I would have to apply it to myself this week, but I have. It is show week. Normally the week that fills me with dread. 70-odd children performing in shows that I have written, directed, made costumes and set for, the list goes on.

I had been feeling quite calm after the rehearsals that I had with them on Sunday, and everything was falling nicely into place.

Yesterday started off so well. I managed to get a decent nights sleep, and woke up and get dressed to take work husband John for a birthday lunch. We had lovely food, he liked his presents (phew) and it was just a nice time. 

I headed over to Head Office and did a spot of work on my shows, before heading off to Corby to teach my students over there. I really enjoyed my lesson, the students made me laugh and came up with some random but brilliant ideas. Kids have such vivid imaginations, and they all had brilliant smiles on their faces. A good time was had by all.

A short while after, I was told that a lady had said that one of my projects that I had worked on was the worst thing she had ever seen. At the time, I brushed it off as I was still happy from my lesson, but as I got home, the reality of what she said hit me and upset me.

I headed back out shortly after to start building my set for this weekends shows, and the tears began to fall from my eyes. I didn't understand how someone could be so hurtful, and it completely knocked my confidence for my upcoming shows. Don't get me wrong, I know that the kids will do an amazing job as always, they have worked so hard and I'm already ridiculously proud of them. I know it's not about being adored by the parents, I'm doing it for the children, they're the ones I'm there for, but to have someone say that about something that I've produced scared me into believing that that will be the reaction I get this weekend.

As anyone in this industry will tell you, it's a scary place to be. Whether you're performing, writing, directing, or any job involved in the making of a performance. You're putting yourself out there, your vision, your ideas, your work, and you just pray and hope that people will like it. Of course you're not going to please everyone, but it's a big risk to do something like this, especially when everyone around you is doing bigger and better things and you're constantly trying to keep up.

I headed back to Head Office alone to start set construction and tried to block out what she had said, but it wouldn't leave my head. I ripped open the packaging and started to assemble pieces of set together and realised what a mammoth task lay before me. I got frustrated, angry, and was in pain from getting splinters and blisters, and cramp from being in awkward positions trying to assemble it. I was covered in glue, and was getting ridiculously hot and disgusting. I just sat down in the middle of the floor, broke down and cried for about ten minutes. I was exhausted, upset, and listening to Mumford and Sons probably wasn't my best idea. Then a costume rail broke and fell on my head. 

John sent me a text asking how it was going, and I responded on a joking manner that I'd probably be finished by 2pm Saturday (the time when our first show goes up). He immediately replied saying he was coming over to help after he had finished his birthday meal out with his family. I told him not to because it was his birthday, and it was getting late. 

But sure enough, about an hour later he burst through the doors. He took one look at my face (which I did not know was covered in mascara tracks!) and gave me a massive hug while I told him what was wrong.  After a big squeeze and a talking to, we set back to work and constructed the second piece of set whilst having a good chat, and a proper giggle in our ridiculous attempt to screw pieces of wood together. I've already told him, but he really is my hero.

We gave up at around 10.30pm, and we drove back to his house and watched some Monty Python with his family before I trundled back home. Her words were still in my head, but I was feeling much better.

Having had time to think it over, I realise that I should have completely ignored everything that she said. I will admit that what she saw was not the best thing that I have produced, but I worked hard on it, and it was the best that I could have done, all things considered. 

I work for hours and hours on these projects, I get annoyed with myself that it takes up so much of my time, but I am always proud of the results, and I know that in the end, people do appreciate my efforts. I have had to juggle so many things so far this year, and the rest of the year is set to be even busier. I'll be writing two plays, working practically full time at the park over the summer, moving house, and I have two extra potential jobs on the horizon that will hopefully be confirmed in the next couple of days. 

The lady in question didn't even have the guts to tell me what she thought to my face, she passed it on to someone else, who passed it on to someone else who passed it on to me. Yes, it was incredibly hurtful, and completely wrecked my confidence, and I may have thought of at least one hundred hurtful things to say back to her if I ever saw her, but that's not who I am. I didn't have to learn from Cinderella that it's good to be kind, because I am kind. And if everyone was nicer to each other, then maybe the world wouldn't be such a terrible place. 

I do have the courage to show off my work to the world, and if she doesn't like it, so be it. I'm better off without her.

And do you know what the best part is? After the performance, her daughter came up to me and gave me the biggest hug to say thank you. She had clearly enjoyed herself and was grateful. So, lady, I have no idea who you are, I didn't even meet you at the performance. But I hope by some miracle you stumble across this blog post, read it, and realise how much your words can hurt someone. But most of all, I hope you learn from your daughter. She has a kind heart, maybe she can teach you a lesson or two. 

Have courage and be kind

Nxxx

What's going on?

I'm very confused right now. At the current moment of typing, there are 8 days, 3 hours and 16 minutes until the first performance of one of my shows. And I'm really quite calm.

I don't know why.

Yesterday I gave up my cleaning job, meaning that (hopefully) I now no longer work 7 days a week. I was quite looking forward to getting some sleep. Apparently my body was having none of that. I was up until 1am talking to one of my friends, fell asleep pretty much straight away, only to wake up at 7.30am. I'm the girl that has to have 8 hours sleep or I'm unbearable to be around. Hmmm.

I lounged about a bit, before wandering downstairs for some breakfast, did the washing up, put some clothes in the washing machine, had a shower, got dressed, took about half an hour to put my make up on whilst watching the latest episode of 'Elementary', and have spent the last 30 minutes reading other people's blogs. 

Dare I say it, it's weird having nothing to do. Don't get me wrong, I'm enjoying not having a mountain of things to get through, but it feels strange. Everything is out of my hands right now.

Every costume is ready, I'm waiting for the arrival of my set so I can't do anything about that right now. Even when things are going missing I'm remaining calm. This is a very strange feeling. I know I'm power crazy when it comes to organisation, but to feel this relaxed is just bizarre.

When I had the idea of putting on two different shows on the same day, I thought I was a genius. Then when I started work on them, I thought I was an idiot. But you know what, I'm starting to think I'm a genius again. Separating the cast means that yes, I've sort of had double the work, but I've not had to co-ordinate rehearsals to get everyone together, I've got two self-contained shows and they're looking really good. I've still got a week to go, and almost everything is done.

I've had sleepless nights, working all hours to get things done around working all of my other jobs, but I think all of the stress has paid off. I'm ready. And I've only had half a breakdown over the shows this time. When I put on 'Oliver Twist' last year, I had a breakdown at least once a month, but it's not really happened this time.

My cast are working so hard, especially my Peter Pan crew. The entire PP cast are 10 years old or younger and their performances are flawless. And I can't take any of the credit for it. Their enthusiasm is amazing. I know some of them were initially disappointed with their roles, but they have all embraced what they have been given and are working together so well. When rehearsing their bows a couple of weeks ago, they were all cheering each other on, and they were genuinely so proud of each other. I honestly can't wait to show them off to their audiences. Not only are they incredibly talented, they are the most kind children I have ever had the pleasure of meeting. They help each other out during rehearsals, and are willing to do anything for each other, especially for the good of the show. I don't have any children of my own, but I would be incredibly proud if any of them were mine. They are a credit to their parents, and such a pleasure to teach. 

Last Sunday I had a rehearsal with the majority of them, and their performances honestly brought tears to my eyes, and I knew what was coming! The whole rehearsal process for this show has gone so quickly, it honestly feels like Oliver Twist was five minutes ago, but I have loved it. I have seen them develop as actors, and to watch their characters relationships develop into something beautiful has been very special indeed. 

I'm secretly hoping that the audience will cry(!) and I thought that my script might be thing to do that (hello, massive ego!) but I was so very wrong. I just put words onto paper. Those kids have brought it to life in a truly magical way.

I've had to sacrifice a few things that I wanted to have in the show, but I know that their performances will more than make up for it, and I hope that they get the audience reactions that they thoroughly deserve. They are all stars. 

Here's to our Neverland adventures! :)

Nxxx

Time

Time is ticking. Faster than I'd like right now if I'm honest. My Neverland shows are now only two weeks away, and despite feeling quite prepared, I'm not quite sure how the last six months since my last production have gone so quickly.

As I've mentioned in many previous posts, I'm still working seven days a week, which has definitely started to take it's toll. And I'm very upset with myself.

Although what I've been doing is work towards my shows, I feel like I've been very distant from them, and a couple of days ago, I had my first proper wobble about them. 

Yep, the tears returned, I was convinced that everything was going to turn to sh*t. Of course I have complete faith in my actors, they are beyond brilliant, but I didn't feel that I had given it my complete attention, and I was mortified. If something does go wrong, or something has been forgotten about, then it's definitely my fault, and I don't want to have let the cast down.

I also let things get to me in my personal life, and definitely made some very foolish decisions over the last week that I'm not over the moon about if I'm honest. But if I've got myself into these situations, then it's up to me to get myself out of them. I just hope I don't hurt anyone along the way. 

I was convinced to take a day off from work this week, and ended up in London watching a very talented boy I know in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. He was brilliant, of course, but the show blew my mind. And yes, I cried like a baby at the end! ;)

As I was watching it, my heart ached so much. I just longed to be up there, joining in in with them all, they were clearly having the best time, and the show is so fun that you couldn't help but smile. It was the kick up the arse that I needed to re-focus.

Thankfully, the play that I had had a meeting about two weeks ago has now been postponed, in order to give us more time to work on it properly and give it the best that we can. I'm slightly sad that it isn't happening sooner, but I know it's for the best.

Aside from work, I've also made the decision to move out of my parents house! Let's face it, I'm too old to be there still! Yes, I may have to live on pennies per week to afford my rent, but it's definitely time to fly the nest once more, and I'm quite excited! It's not happening until August, but you have to plan ahead! 

Speaking of which, I've already planned what my next two shows with the kids are going to be! I need to take a break!

I was fully intending to have a holiday this year, but the decision to move out has scuppered that idea. But it's been so long since my last holiday, not going on one for another ten years won't make much difference! Oh well. 

Well, that's my rant over. I don't expect anyone to read this post as I don't intend to share it. It's not particularly happy this time, is it?!?

Oh well, writing down my thoughts clears my head, so at least it's done me some good!

Until next time,

Nxxx