As I've mentioned in many previous posts, I'm still working seven days a week, which has definitely started to take it's toll. And I'm very upset with myself.
Although what I've been doing is work towards my shows, I feel like I've been very distant from them, and a couple of days ago, I had my first proper wobble about them.
Yep, the tears returned, I was convinced that everything was going to turn to sh*t. Of course I have complete faith in my actors, they are beyond brilliant, but I didn't feel that I had given it my complete attention, and I was mortified. If something does go wrong, or something has been forgotten about, then it's definitely my fault, and I don't want to have let the cast down.
I also let things get to me in my personal life, and definitely made some very foolish decisions over the last week that I'm not over the moon about if I'm honest. But if I've got myself into these situations, then it's up to me to get myself out of them. I just hope I don't hurt anyone along the way.
I was convinced to take a day off from work this week, and ended up in London watching a very talented boy I know in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. He was brilliant, of course, but the show blew my mind. And yes, I cried like a baby at the end! ;)
As I was watching it, my heart ached so much. I just longed to be up there, joining in in with them all, they were clearly having the best time, and the show is so fun that you couldn't help but smile. It was the kick up the arse that I needed to re-focus.
Thankfully, the play that I had had a meeting about two weeks ago has now been postponed, in order to give us more time to work on it properly and give it the best that we can. I'm slightly sad that it isn't happening sooner, but I know it's for the best.
Aside from work, I've also made the decision to move out of my parents house! Let's face it, I'm too old to be there still! Yes, I may have to live on pennies per week to afford my rent, but it's definitely time to fly the nest once more, and I'm quite excited! It's not happening until August, but you have to plan ahead!
Speaking of which, I've already planned what my next two shows with the kids are going to be! I need to take a break!
I was fully intending to have a holiday this year, but the decision to move out has scuppered that idea. But it's been so long since my last holiday, not going on one for another ten years won't make much difference! Oh well.
Well, that's my rant over. I don't expect anyone to read this post as I don't intend to share it. It's not particularly happy this time, is it?!?
Oh well, writing down my thoughts clears my head, so at least it's done me some good!
Until next time,
Nxxx
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