I didn't think that I would have to apply it to myself this week, but I have. It is show week. Normally the week that fills me with dread. 70-odd children performing in shows that I have written, directed, made costumes and set for, the list goes on.
I had been feeling quite calm after the rehearsals that I had with them on Sunday, and everything was falling nicely into place.
Yesterday started off so well. I managed to get a decent nights sleep, and woke up and get dressed to take work husband John for a birthday lunch. We had lovely food, he liked his presents (phew) and it was just a nice time.
I headed over to Head Office and did a spot of work on my shows, before heading off to Corby to teach my students over there. I really enjoyed my lesson, the students made me laugh and came up with some random but brilliant ideas. Kids have such vivid imaginations, and they all had brilliant smiles on their faces. A good time was had by all.
A short while after, I was told that a lady had said that one of my projects that I had worked on was the worst thing she had ever seen. At the time, I brushed it off as I was still happy from my lesson, but as I got home, the reality of what she said hit me and upset me.
I headed back out shortly after to start building my set for this weekends shows, and the tears began to fall from my eyes. I didn't understand how someone could be so hurtful, and it completely knocked my confidence for my upcoming shows. Don't get me wrong, I know that the kids will do an amazing job as always, they have worked so hard and I'm already ridiculously proud of them. I know it's not about being adored by the parents, I'm doing it for the children, they're the ones I'm there for, but to have someone say that about something that I've produced scared me into believing that that will be the reaction I get this weekend.
As anyone in this industry will tell you, it's a scary place to be. Whether you're performing, writing, directing, or any job involved in the making of a performance. You're putting yourself out there, your vision, your ideas, your work, and you just pray and hope that people will like it. Of course you're not going to please everyone, but it's a big risk to do something like this, especially when everyone around you is doing bigger and better things and you're constantly trying to keep up.
I headed back to Head Office alone to start set construction and tried to block out what she had said, but it wouldn't leave my head. I ripped open the packaging and started to assemble pieces of set together and realised what a mammoth task lay before me. I got frustrated, angry, and was in pain from getting splinters and blisters, and cramp from being in awkward positions trying to assemble it. I was covered in glue, and was getting ridiculously hot and disgusting. I just sat down in the middle of the floor, broke down and cried for about ten minutes. I was exhausted, upset, and listening to Mumford and Sons probably wasn't my best idea. Then a costume rail broke and fell on my head.
John sent me a text asking how it was going, and I responded on a joking manner that I'd probably be finished by 2pm Saturday (the time when our first show goes up). He immediately replied saying he was coming over to help after he had finished his birthday meal out with his family. I told him not to because it was his birthday, and it was getting late.
But sure enough, about an hour later he burst through the doors. He took one look at my face (which I did not know was covered in mascara tracks!) and gave me a massive hug while I told him what was wrong. After a big squeeze and a talking to, we set back to work and constructed the second piece of set whilst having a good chat, and a proper giggle in our ridiculous attempt to screw pieces of wood together. I've already told him, but he really is my hero.
We gave up at around 10.30pm, and we drove back to his house and watched some Monty Python with his family before I trundled back home. Her words were still in my head, but I was feeling much better.
Having had time to think it over, I realise that I should have completely ignored everything that she said. I will admit that what she saw was not the best thing that I have produced, but I worked hard on it, and it was the best that I could have done, all things considered.
I work for hours and hours on these projects, I get annoyed with myself that it takes up so much of my time, but I am always proud of the results, and I know that in the end, people do appreciate my efforts. I have had to juggle so many things so far this year, and the rest of the year is set to be even busier. I'll be writing two plays, working practically full time at the park over the summer, moving house, and I have two extra potential jobs on the horizon that will hopefully be confirmed in the next couple of days.
The lady in question didn't even have the guts to tell me what she thought to my face, she passed it on to someone else, who passed it on to someone else who passed it on to me. Yes, it was incredibly hurtful, and completely wrecked my confidence, and I may have thought of at least one hundred hurtful things to say back to her if I ever saw her, but that's not who I am. I didn't have to learn from Cinderella that it's good to be kind, because I am kind. And if everyone was nicer to each other, then maybe the world wouldn't be such a terrible place.
I do have the courage to show off my work to the world, and if she doesn't like it, so be it. I'm better off without her.
And do you know what the best part is? After the performance, her daughter came up to me and gave me the biggest hug to say thank you. She had clearly enjoyed herself and was grateful. So, lady, I have no idea who you are, I didn't even meet you at the performance. But I hope by some miracle you stumble across this blog post, read it, and realise how much your words can hurt someone. But most of all, I hope you learn from your daughter. She has a kind heart, maybe she can teach you a lesson or two.
Have courage and be kind
Nxxx
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